too much coffee

makes for an already over-active mind to implode on itself.

How wrong is it to hate? I “hate” when I don’t get what I want. I hate when I have to be so fucking blunt that I hurt someone’s feelings when I’ve tried numerous times to “say it nicely” – for lack of better words. Are they so ego-maniacal that they cannot even see outside their own domain for one second to realize that someone might want to be left alone. How mean do I have to be before someone gets the hint? Usually, in this type of scenario, instead of backing off a bit, the offender keeps pushing. Push, push, PUSH! This is when I’ve had it and then KABOOM!

At this point, I usually get the look of a little lost puppy – confused, worried, wide-eyed – and always, DUMB. My question is – WHY DIDN’T YOU SEE IT COMING? I’ve left NUMEROUS cues. And now, I am the “bad guy”.

Post explosion, I am left feeling horribly guilty about being so mean. I am also left now to console the person I blew up at rather than get my point across. Now, this ego-maniacal idiot gets my attention, albeit, bad attention, nevertheless, attention. It is a circle. I want to scream and cry and throw a fit like a child. Why am I not heard? Do I not make sense when I speak? Am I unbelievable? Do I not make myself clear? Do I expect people to read my mind? I really don’t think so …but I’ll work on being clearer for all those folks who love to play dumb.

Maybe I am intolerant. Maybe I should be more patient. Maybe I should not care if someone thinks I am a bitch. It seems like no one wants to listen until I am.

On another note: I know that if I want to see change, I will have to be the one to make it. I know that I have to change my reaction to this type of energy suckage.

I just got this book, A Complaint Free World, which I’m sure will elicit many laughs and sighs from others, but I will try anything that will alter my perspective and change my life for the better.

Mostly, I wish I could learn to shut up and not react …because mostly, I just want to punch people right in their face – myself included!

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LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

1 Comment

  • Daniela Vaughan

    August 6, 2016 | Reply

    Bahahaha! Ok, confession I am reading your old posts because I totally love your new ones and I love to see a blogger’s journey (especially because I am a BRAND NEW blogger).
    Are you sure you wrote this post or did you read my mind and put my thoughts into writing. All of this. So much truth. I do think people either (a) don’t realize the many previous times you’ve had the conversation (b) refuse to accept your answer (c) think you’ll change your mind if you answer enough (d) aren’t used to hearing the truth. Keep telling the truth, girl. Keep learning new things (I am a glutton for books like the one you mentioned), but keep telling the truth.

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