It’s possible that everything just seams lame to me right now which means I’m either stuck in my head and unaware (or aware) of what is keeping me there or in super sour grapes mode.
Either way, I need something to smack me out of it and wake me up. And I don’t mean something BAD! Thank you very much. I mean something good. I’d like something really great to happen to inspire me into positivity again because the deep breathing is not getting me very far.
When I was younger and in this type of predicament (which was often), I would usually do something to change my appearance, like dye my hair a different color – or cut it all off. After my late teens and into my mid 20’s, I learned that making an extreme change to my outer self didn’t actually do much for my inner self, it just ruined my hair.
I’ve gotten tattoos when bored. Gotten pierced when bored. Gone shopping when bored. But, again, it was only a temporary change. Once the excitement of the change wore off, I was still bored and possibly more uninspired.
I’m old enough now, or wise enough now to know that I don’t want to ruin my hair or get another tattoo or piercing or even go shopping (although my trip to Target last week was exhilarating). Those changes are so trivial. They mean nothing but I’m definitely pining over the things I don’t have rather than what I do.
I’m so ready to move on with my life. To do something new. To be something new.
I’m definitely back on the wanting a baby track …to wanting a family life. Which in my terms means buying a house first and we all know where real estate in Los Angeles is right now; going down. But it’s not down yet. It will go down further and honestly, we don’t want to buy until it’s at rock bottom. However, that means waiting around more …bored.
A house must come before a baby because the in condo we are in right now, there is no room for a baby. And to rent something bigger would just be stupid because it would put off buying even longer. But I’m not getting any frigging younger! …more waiting….more bored.
Last year I started a business which kept me busy for a while, but with the economy in the shitter, It’s not going to save me from having to go to work for someone else everyday – not yet anyway. And my job/boss is draining me like the heat.
Honestly, nothing can keep me from thinking about what I want – because nothing can replace it. I find things to hold me over for a while like an afternoon snack but I’m starving for more. STARVING.