Crash Encore, So Long

Updates:
I know I am feeling better when I run up and down the stairs instead of slowly taking one step at a time.

Pep is very excited about GTA right now. We will have a new TV by the weekend. I'm sure of it.

99% Sure we will not be attending the wedding on Saturday.
She wanted to do the right thing, but either decision would hurt somebody—it was a classic catch-22

I just found this song by Crash Encore by accident and it's kinda great. It's called "So Long"

SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YOUR MAMA!The Mother/Daughter saga continues

Well, it's done. I finally FINALLY had the talk screaming match with my mother ...and it wasn't pleasant.

It began yesterday afternoon, shortly after another wedding dress shopping trip - just outside the store on the street corner. If you're from the Valley or familiar with it, we were on the SE corner of Magnolia and Witsett and at one point, while she was yelling and sobbing and trying to defend herself instead of listen to me, I looked over and saw three men in their cars with their windows down, staring at us, waiting for the light to turn green. I chuckled to myself at the spectacle we must have been making.

I was trying to stay calm. Trying to put things in perspective and in a way that she could hear instead of FREAKING OUT ABOUT. I used words like "I'm having a difficult time with this" and "I just want to get it out there so we don't have tension anymore". She heard YOU'RE A BAD MOTHER and I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS. I used my hands to gesture my frustration at one point and she flinched a bit - which she has done before in a fight - thinking I am going to hit her - which is NEVER the case. But now she can tell the story that way instead - which she has done before as well. I don't know why I actually expect her to act like an adult. She fails every time.

After about ten minutes of talking fighting, my mother finally flew her hands up in the air and yelled I'M JUST A HORRIBLE PERSON AND A HORRIBLE MOTHER AND I'M NEVER GOING TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT, MAEGAN - and stormed off to her car crying. I stood there, on the corner, shaking my head in wonderment. I took a deep breath, waited for the crosswalk signal, then crossed the street got into my car AND IMMEDIATELY DIALED HER CELL!

This was not over. I was not about to let her just walk off making it about her AGAIN and not seeing the truth in this matter.

We screamed for the next ten minutes it took me to get home. Then I sat in the car for another hour or so outside our condo trying to get her to understand my point of view OR ANYTHING AT ALL while she continued to defend her actions instead of taking responsibility for ANYTHING AT ALL. I'm sure there were mean jabs thrown in (from both sides) just because that's what people do when they're angry and I'm sure she blocked out the rest of the conversation and honed in on only these things and ran with them as well.

Her side of the story probably goes something like this: Maegan ATTACKED me outside the store and TOLD ME I AM A BAD MOTHER AND A HORRIBLE PERSON and TRIED TO HIT ME!

I'm 99% positive that she still does not get it. But I feel much better.

It is to be determined whether or not Pep and I will be attending her wedding in two weeks.

West Elm

On a daily basis I get between 5-10 email ads/promos for stores. Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, Victoria's Secret, and West Elm - to name a few. Mostly, I don't open them.

This morning, whilst eating breakfast at my computer, I opened West Elm's daily annoyance to find their "chic metal collection of outdoor furniture" ($99-$299). I have to say that West Elm has some great stuff and some even greater prices. You can get a more "cultured" look than that at Ikea in the same price range (you still have to put it together).


However, if you're buying West Elm furniture, there's a high chance that you don't have a ROOM BY THE POOL!?

Moments of clarity

Every once in a while, I come to. I am completely aware and content in the moment and in my surroundings. The moment where I feel light enough to float. Everything becomes easy.

Definitely trying to make these moments last longer than, well, moments. I'd prefer if it were my normal state of being and all the rest were just moments.

also: Go Lakers!

Earth Day 2008

Changes I've made to help reduce my carbon footprint since Earth Day 2007.

1. Swapped all light bulbs (except special ones) to CFL's. Had 1 or 2 prior.
2. Use canvas (besmartbegreen.com) reusable bags WHENEVER POSSIBLE instead of plastic or paper.
3. Recycle more efficiently.
4. Bought SIGG aluminum water canteens to replace plastic water bottle consumption. (hard!)
5. Installed Brita water filtration system on faucet and pitcher in fridge.
6. Aware of all unnecessary lights and/or electrical appliances (turned on or plugged in).
7. Switched most in-home cleaning products to eco-friendly/non-toxic ones (like Method & Seventh Generation).
8. Use HE (high efficiency) washer/dryer + soap.
9. Opt for products made from recycled materials more often.
10. Cut meat consumption in half. Not full vegetarian (although was for a 5 year stint in my early 20's) but eating almost no red meat.
11. Buying organic produce only. (OrganicExpress.com is now Spud.com) and they deliver!
12. Donate to local eco charity EnvironmentCalifornia.org

Things I'd like to do.

1. Grow our own food - or some at least.
2. Compost.
3. Own at least one Hybrid or electric car in the family. (Although meat is the No.1 cause of Global Warming), they're still a better option than gas prices!)
4. ...I know there's more! (to be added later)

What changes have you made since Earth Day 2007?

Esthero

It's not on youtube yet or I would post it here -but I can't stop listening to the song "Never Gonna Let You Go".

click here to go to her myspace page to listen to it. I love it!

Happy 420

The more you watch it ...the funnier it gets.

Nick Swardson smokes weed every day of his life. SHIT

Michael Cera & Zach Galifianakis Between Two Ferns

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Zach puts Michael Cera, the Superbad and Juno star in the hot seat.

Dying dog is NOT ART

In 2007, the 'artist' Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, took a dog from the street, tied him to a rope in an art gallery, and starved him to death.

For several days, the 'artist' and the visitors of the exhibition have watched emotionless the shameful 'masterpiece' based on the dog's agony, until eventually he died.




What is blowing my mind even MORE than this asshole artist are the ASSHOLE people observing this "installation" and doing nothing about it!





click here to sign the petition. It's easy. Please pass this to everyone you know! The artist is planning to do it again!

I feel like I'm gonna barf today

and I'm not sure if it's because I had too much coffee this morning, I'm about to ovulate, or because I am enraged and want to kill my mother.

Honestly, I think it's the latter.

I find it very difficult to feel a certain way but act another. And when I am in this sort of pickle, anxiety usually ensues.

Yesterday afternoon I agreed to go shopping with my mother for her wedding dress and I am regretting it already. She is getting married on May 3, 2008 to Barry. And while I love Barry and think he is great, I'm having a really hard time getting "excited" about my mom's BIG day. This has nothing to do with the fact that she is getting remarried. This has everything to do with how she acted towards my husband and me from the day he proposed ("do you really want to marry this loser?" she said in front of him) to our eloping to our reception party a month after. This also has to do with the fact that she informed me of her opinion on marriage (she thinks it's a cop-out) a week after Pep and I got married.

This post was two days after Barry and my mom stopped by (to bring Pep his b-day gift a month later) and told us that they had decided to get married on the beach (May 3) and would like my brother and Morgan + Pep and I to join them for the ceremony and dinner afterward.

The way they built up the story, we thought they were going to say WE ALREADY DID IT! But we weren't that lucky. When Pep and I said "We thought you were going to tell us you did it already", my mother replied, "Well, Morgan (sis-in-law) said that since Scotty (my brother) didn't get to see his sister (me) get married, he HAS to see me (mom) get married". WHICH IS A BULLSHIT EXCUSE AND A DIG AT ME SIMULTANEOUSLY. [having nothing to do with my bro and sis]

I thought I would wait to barf it all onto paper (or blog) to see if maybe something would change. Maybe my feelings would change about it. Maybe she would cancel. I don't know, but I thought I would give it a chance to sink in before exploding. Well, it looks like I'm still upset about it. Actually, I'm shaking. The more I do for her, the more upset I get - which, Kell reminded me this morning - IS SOMETHING SHE WOULD DO (do, do, do for someone - then be resentful) and that's just not me. If I wasn't at work right now, I'd be sobbing, I'm sure. I am just holding it all in = major anxiety = unhappy Maegan. But THIS IS MY LIFE!

I want to tell her so badly that I do NOT want to be a part of any of this. The wounds she inflicted upon me are clearly still healing and this is a huge setback. I am a time person. The more time that passes, the better. If this were 5 years later instead of 1.5, I'm sure I would have already dealt with all of these emotions and gotten over it.

Normally, I would just say, NO, I'm not going to be a part of this. But for some reason, I haven't been able to yet. If I say "forget it - don't expect us" she'll be upset that I'm not there but if we go and I lose it, that would be even worse. I feel that either way (unless I hold it all in and stay anxious until May 3rd), I'm going to ruin her day and be the "bad guy" which would be perfect for her, the victim.

This is a major conundrum.

MONO - Waiting To See You Fall

I just found this by accident and it's great! It's Mono "Waiting to see you fall" - the video is hilarious. The song actually reminds me of something from the soundtrack of the movie Reality Bites circa 1994.
MONO - Waiting To See You Fall

Afternoon Delight.

Thank you Janelle! For had you not ichatted this to me, I would have never known that the cast of Anchorman made an entire video for this song, which is fabulous.

However, the actual news team harmonizing it kicks ass! ...especially since it's not synced right.

Really, Ambre?

Come On! There is no way Bret Michaels would ever, EVER date Ambre! He wouldn't even give her a second glance if he saw her walking down the street! My guess is that Ambre MUST have been paid by VH1 - from day one, when he "almost" sent her home.

Rock of Love Season III - I see you coming! HO SHO!

Luckily, I caught the 6pm showing (on DirecTV - we have NY scheduling) because at around 7:50pm, while Pep was walking Bebop, our power went out. And after standing in the kitchen in only a towel for a few minutes - with the oven still on cooking cinnamon rolls, I realized - THE POWER WAS NOT COMING BACK ON. Suddenly a beep, beep, beep came from the hallway and immediately I thought it was a bomb. TURN OFF THE OVEN! WHERE IS PEP? WHY IS HE TAKING SO LONG? IS HE DEAD? IS THERE A KILLER IN OUR HOUSE? WE ARE GOING TO DIE! LIGHTER. CANDLES. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. LEROY, STAY.

Pep finally came back and fixed the beeping (an old alarm system) - which meant there was no bomb and no killer on the loose (at least not in our house), and the crazy in my head settled down. We have no flashlight but at least 10 light sabers - which finally came in handy. But, now what?

We were just about to watch Walk Hard and now we were just sitting there with our thumbs up our butts - in a dark, but candle lit, room - with buzzing light sabers in our hands.

It's funny when the power goes out for more than five minutes. It really defines how connected to electricity we are. Which makes me want solar paneling even more now.

So, we smoked a J on our roof with the light sabers in our mitts and went to sleep.

The power came back on just after midnight and woke us up - of course! ...damn power.

It's Friday

and I just got the call that MY CAR IS READY TO PICK UP TODAY!

I am so excited! I hope my car recognizes me - it's been so long. I'm sure she suffers from separation anxiety, for I have these past 6 months.

This also means that I get to return the Subaru to my mother with a generous Thank You gift and a card that reads BUY A NEW CAR, WOMAN! However, the Subaru should be saved for future car mishaps because it really will go forever - it's just so damn fug.

Neon Neon

I'm kind of in love with this song.
It's Neon Neon: I Lust U' Featuring Cate Le Bon.

Hear below

This is how I know I'm a dorkTop 10 TV Shows

1. Project Runway (season's over. boo)
2. Rock of Love
3. Ghost Hunters
4. South Park
5. Scrubs (new season starts tonight)
6. NatGeo: Human Footprint (Sunday. excited)
7. The Hills
8. The Daily Show/Colbert Report
9. The Family Guy (I can't even believe this makes the list)
10. a LAKER game trumps any of the above.

5 Shows I Can't Wait to Start Again

1. Project Runway
2. Heroes
3. Nip Tuck
4. Caveman (if I'm lucky)
5. Flight of the Conchords

Warning: This is Awesome

These two brothers raised a lion from a baby at home in London. When it got too big they released it to an animal preserve in Africa. A year later they returned to try and find it to see how it was doing. They were told by authorities and the wildlife people the lion would not remember them.



Thank you dailymantra.com

I may be teetering on a bad mood

but seriously, a woman putting her make-up on in the car in front of me THE ENTIRE DRIVE TO WORK, makes me want to RAM my mother's 93 paint-peeling green Subaru with a Harley sticker on the back, right into the woman's back bumper, driving that mascara wand directly into her eye ball.

...and no, I still do not have my car back.

Let's just revisit this for a moment.
Accident: 10/15/2007
Today: 4/9/2008
Car Lease end date: 5/15/2008

Pros:
Saved miles - but my car only had 22K to begin with - bfd.
Saved on gas - barely.
At least I did not have to rent a car for this long.
Almost learned that what you drive does not mean shit - even in LA - sure.
Once I get my car back, I will feel like I have a whole new wardrobe. My mother's car ruins my shoes - so I've only been wearing ones that I don't care get ruined - thus, I've neglected MANY outfits for the last 6 months.

Yay Spring dresses and cute shoes again!

They SAY my car will be done this Friday. I'm not holding my breath.

Yep, I'm not quite over it yet

and I know this because when I think about it (and I am), and talk about it, my voice cracks and my bottom lip wants to quiver and run away and even my biting it will not make it stop. I am also feeling my heart rate rise and my stomach start to turn. My breathing is becoming shorter.

INHALE ...1.2.3.4... EXHALE ...1.2.3.4


12:30pm - EDIT -
note* people usually get what they've given. Or get exactly what they think they don't want. I should wait and let it play out. It may be better in the end.

Kell reminded me of this today.

Why not?

"There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were and ask, why not?" - Robert Kennedy

The Pregnant Man

I've been seeing this picture of "a pregnant man" on and off for about two weeks now and today, I finally decided to read the story.

Quick overview: Nancy and Thomas are having a baby but Nancy's not the one who's pregnant. Thomas, the husband is with child. [WTF?] Nancy has two adult girls of her own from a previous marriage and the effects of endometriosis left her unable to have more children. [Does she need more children?] At which point they decided that Thomas should try to conceive. [WTF?] Of course no doctors wanted to help them so they decided to do it themselves at home. After one ectopic pregnancy (and surgery to remove the embryos), they conceived! They call it a miracle. [I call it normal?]

The real story here is that Thomas, the husband, is actually Tracy, former Miss Teen Hawaii finalist, who had her breasts removed, started taking testosterone, and morphed from female to male.

Now, I have zero problem with gays, transgenders, and the like ...but don't fucking pretend like you're a man and act like it's a fucking miracle that you're pregnant when you have a womb in which to carry a baby! Here's another problem; now that shim removed said breasts, how's the "miracle" baby gonna suckle on biddy?

Moral of the story: Just cuz it looks like a man, sounds like a man, and acts like a man, doesn't make it a man. And another thing; An enlarged clitoris is not a cock - it's not even a teeny weeny - and I don't care what (s)he says, (s)he cannot have intercourse with it!

This should just be filed under STUPID and MORE STUPID PEOPLE POPULATING THE EARTH - but those two topics alone would substantiate an entirely new blog. hmmm.

Your Love - The Outfield vs Katy Perry

vs



Which version of the song is better? It's a tough one! The Outfield definitely win for best video - but Katy doesn't have a vid for this song yet.

Lucky One

When I was 19 years old I was in a music video for the band Automatic 7 for their song "Lucky One". I think it was 1996. My hair was short. I had a lot of piercings. Not much more to be said. Enjoy ;)

April Fools