{ Gemini's Rule }

I am in love with this photo. It is from my bro & sis' wedding last fall (I was a bride's maid) and was taken in the photo booth at the reception. We are very clearly, each a Gemini in our own right. Happy Birthday weekend to us! from left: 5/29, 6/2, 6/1


"Buddhists say that life is a river, that we are carried on a raft to our final destination. The river has its current, rapids, sandbars, whirlpools, and other obstacles that we can't control, but we are given a pair of oars to guide our craft. The quality of the voyage depends upon our skill, but we cannot alter the course because the river always empties into death. Sometimes we have no choice but to give ourselves to the current" - Isabel Allende "The Sum of Our Days"

I think I always get a bit retrospective around my birthday. It's more like the beginning of a new year than New Year's is for me. Everything begins and ends June 1st.

Happy Birthday Brother!

On this day 26 years ago, my brother was born and my mom & dad named him Scott and I was forever a sister.

The actual day he was born, I was days away from turning 6 and I woke up to the woman who lived across the street (Pam?) and was terrified. I think I went running back to my room crying or maybe I didn't. I may have started rambling off an onslaught of panicked questions to her ...in which she answered that my brother was being born and my parents were at the hospital and would be home soon. Maybe I went running back upstairs crying then but mostly I was wondering WHY DIDN'T THEY TAKE ME WITH THEM?


Seriously, I don't think I could have been happier about having a little brother. I was so in love with him! (gross, not like that :) I wanted to help my mom with every aspect of taking care of him. There was not one bone in my body that was jealous of a new baby taking attention away from me as therapists have asked me this in the past. I was so happy to have him there.


...so happy until I got to the age that I didn't want him in my stuff or bugging me in my room. Anyone who has a brother or sister knows the age I'm talking about ...when they now want to be involved with every aspect of your life instead of the other way around. This was probably around the same time I started calling him a "fag" all the time (um, it was the 80's) (um, now I just call everything "gay"). My mom would get SO MAD AT ME. "If he turns out gay, Maegan, it's YOUR FAULT!". Even at a young age, I would quip back, "Mom, he can't just TURN GAY, GAWD!" ...and that went on for years.


Good thing he married a beautiful WOMAN last year or else my mom would curse me forever :) {but that's me in the pic}


I would have to say that we are probably each other's best audience; no matter what he says, I think it's hilarious, and vice-versa. It's probably annoying to others but it's hilarious to us. I can't tell you how many times he sat on the couch patiently watching me sing into a hairbrush and start over one-hundred times, or critique my dance performance practice ("Everybody was Kung Foo Fighting, da nu nu nu nu, those kicks were fast as lightning', da nu nu nu nu nu), or tell me that my outfit looked whorish and not to wear it, or playing boogie-board teeter-tauter with me in the pool when he did not want to (I still owe him $1.50 for staying and playing with me).

My brother and I went through everything together and even though we fought through the years and I beat him up all the time (for which I have apologized profusely while drunk - and sober), I always had his back and we have a relationship now that is more precious to me than gold.


Happy Birthday Brother! I love you! I dedicate the below song to you for your b-day ...I think it was on "Maeg's Videos" ...it must have been why you always wanted to get your hands on that tape!

The Santa Ana Winds

Every time it gets windy in LA, someone undoubtedly says "It's the Santa Ana's again" ...like they're the f*cking weather man!

Growing up [in LA - 818 mostly], I remember the Santa Ana Winds only really making their presence known around late Summer; August, September and possibly through the winter. Wikipedia seems to agree with me. But who knows, we both could be wrong.

Whatever. What I'm trying to get at is last week it was around 95°HOT and now it's about 20°below! Okay, I MAY be exaggerating a bit - but that's how extreme this weather feels! [can you hear the whine in my voice?]

Right now it's as dark as evening outside, a bit drizzly, and so windy I'm afraid one of the palm trees is going to come crashing through the large windows I'm facing and impale my eye. Yesterday evening the thunder was so loud and hard and RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD, I jumped out of my chair and yelped a little. Okay, ALOT.

I don't know about you but I get a little out-of-sorts when it's windy. Like I feel crazy! The energy is just too buzzzzzzing. I drop things, I can't form sentences, I'm super jumpy [pretty much the same as PMS symptoms ...fun]. I always blame it on being an air sign and that when the air blows too much, it throws me all off balance ...and I'm sticking with that.

The most noticeable sign for me [besides the above mentioned crazies] is what I like to call "Popsicle Lips" or "Kool-Aid Lips" and it drives me insane. When it gets windy it gets all dry and annoying and I most likely (unconsciously) start licking my lips [uncontrollably] and in a day or so they become BRIGHT RED! The same color your lips turn after sucking on a "Big Stick" till it's gone. [and yes, there's another story there].

Why do my bright red lips bother me so much? Because somehow, my freckles show up more as well and I end up looking REALLY IRISH! ...which is also why I pretty much never wear dark lipstick.


Secondly, our Pug, Bebop, gets chap ass. As you may know, if you've ever seen a Pug, their tail DOES NOT COVER THEIR BUTT HOLE (like a cat!) and because of this, the dry winds take their toll on his poor little bung hole. He then proceeds to sit his butt on the carpet and use his front legs to turn himself in fast circles. Over and over and over and over. But he can never seem to satiate that itch! Although, it could be the hemorrhoids. Can dogs get hemorrhoids?

Thirdly, the wind is so loud WOOOOOO ...and it bangs everything around at night making it impossible to sleep in fear of scary movie music beginning and the "Night Stalker" slowly creeping up our stairs. AAAAH! [my husband and my cousin are still afraid of the night stalker]

I think many of my "wind" issues started when I was a child. When I was about 6 or so, my mom made me a Blue Fairy costume (from Sleeping Beauty) for Halloween. It was awesome. She made me these awesome wings out of wire hangers and sheer powder blue chiffon. They were huge. When I got out of the car to go to school in my costume, the wind picked up and seriously PICKED ME UP OFF THE GROUND! Clearly I didn't blow away....but for the rest of the day I thought I was going to. ISSUES.

And lastly, as you also may know, LA streets are lined with Palm Trees. When the friggin wind blows, it knocks off all the dead palm fronds onto the streets and unless you have an SUV or truck, you cannot drive over them. They get stuck under your car.

All I'm saying is give peace a chance - no, I HATE THE WIND!

*Kell: you know I wanted to spell popsicle POPCYCLE!

Tag - YOU'RE IT!

Kathy @ Mama's Losin' It tagged me. I hope I did it right!

Top 5 Things I Couldn’t Live Without Under $5
-blistex lip medex (in the blue tub)
-magazines!
-nail file
-rubber bands -for pony tails
-sharpie pens & paper


Top 5 Favorite Movies
-Shakespeare in Love
-How to Steal a Million
-Dirty Dancing
-Top Gun
-Titanic
*Stripes, Private Benjamin, Big, Napoleon Dynamite, Talladega Nights, omg so many!


Top 5 Baby Names You Love But Won’t Use (or maybe will)
-Hazel
-Mary Jane (MJ)
-Jordan
-Danger
-Jamaica


Top 5 Songs I Could Listen To Over and Over Again
-Madonna - "Everybody" omg, who am I kidding? any of them!
-Stevie Wonder - "Overjoyed"
-Michael Jackson - "Rock with You"
-The Cure - "Lovesong"
-Dianna Ross - "Upside Down"
*seriously, so many


Top 5 People Who Have Influenced Your Life in a Positive Way
-Mom
-Kelley
-Pep
-Monst (Jim - mom's boyfriend circa 80's/90's)
-Madonna (ahahah from such an early age)


Top 5 Things That Stay in Your Purse at All Times
-lip gloss
-cell
-little notebook & purple pen
-tampons
-peanut m&m's


Top 5 Moments That Changed Your Life Forever
-birth of brother
-parents divorce
-dad's death
-moving in with Kell to Murietta Palms (includes meeting husband)
-Billy's death


Top 5 Obsessions You Have Right Now
-blogs & blogging
-getting a new cell
-environment/politics
-should I have a baby or adopt?
-the housing market in LA


5 Places You Would Like to Go (if I wasn't afraid of flying)
-Italy
-Spain
-Paris
-London
-Jamaica

5 People I would like to see their Top 5
-disconnected
-the pep rally
-bogsdarking
-a cup of jo
-alison - who refuses to start a blog!

Thursday Roundup

*My husband and I both had dreams about poop last night - and discussed it over coffee this morning. I'm still in awe!

*I have yet to get a new cell phone and my current pink razr is about to get thrown out the effing window.

*I got my hair did on Tuesday evening and was so lucky to have Madonna's greatest hits on in the background. The entire time! Really, that makes me happy! I also LOVE my hair girl, Nikki.

*A woman who works at the art gallery [I work at] has moved from her upstairs office to the conference room right next to me - something about the air quality upstairs - UGH! Not only does she clear her throat like 20 times a minute, she gets up and tells people who are smoking fags outside our windows to move elsewhere. I HATE THAT! *however, she brought her dog, kozmo in today – so she gets some points there

*The Lakers beat the Spurs last night!!!!!! so good!

*Since my husband and I don't believe in religion, but still want to be considerate, we're trying to come up with a new saying for "bless you" after a sneeze. We're still working on it.

*Tomorrow is Friday!

WOWwowWOw

"It's no mistake that teenage girls, if they could choose, would rather be a celebrity assistant than the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a U.S. Senator, or the President of Harvard or Yale. That's right, not a celebrity but an ASSISTANT to a celebrity."

from "There’s no such thing as "Just Entertainment"" - Matthew Cooke

To read his entire "blogicle" click here

Remember REMEMBER the 21st of September - IT'S PEACE DAY!

THis is amazing. It definitely brought some tears to the eyes.

Watch this quick video to be inspired to make Peace Day, September 21, memorable for all.

For more info, go to www.peaceoneday.org

Men

A not-so-hot woman dressed in a tight (and I mean TIGHT) -and short- dress walked by my window just now with a much older man.

I looked. Realized she was not as hot as she clearly thinks she is, then went back to my computer.

Then decided to watch every OTHER man's reaction as she walked by.

THEY CANNOT NOT LOOK. They try but something (and by something I mean their penis) forces their heads back in her direction. They look, then look away. THEN LOOK AND LOOK AND LOOK ...even when it's not even look-worthy.

It's funny.

Remember this ladies - for it holds the power over men.

wish I was there

However, I may not be welcome given the era. I'm pretty sure it was the 60's. I LOVE this photo. The artist is Paul Fusco and I found this photograph on danzigerprojects.com. Oh how times have changed - some better, some worse. Wish I was there.

Magic

Robin Thicke's first single "Magic" off of "Something Else"



I LOVE the beginning groove! I know I've heard it before but I cannot place it. It's so 70's. I have to say I'm always surprised by this guy. His songs are all pretty smooth!

Listen above.

Barefoot in the Park

After watching "Lions For Lambs" (with Robert Redford) last night, I flipped through the movie channels and found "Barefoot in the Park" just starting. While this movie also stars Robert Redford, it's much lighter and lifted my heavy mood.

It was originally written by Neil Simon for the stage but this 1967 film adaptation (starring Mr. Redford & Jane Fonda) is to die for. I'm also a huge fan of anything 60's but don't let that stop you from watching it. I bet you'll love it too.

I fell asleep before the end but I have seen it enough times to know what happens.

Sad to be an American sometimes

It's so easy to live in our own world, unaffected by the real world. In a way, we almost have no choice. The thought of what is actually happening around us is not only terrifying, it's just so so wrong, and we would not be able to function without denial or turning a blind eye to it.

But then sometimes you are thrust into it, bombarded with information that justifies your beliefs. The knowledge is addicting. Once you know some, you must know all or you feel like you're being left in the dark.

It's difficult for me to find a balance sometimes because this knowledge is so depressing and I feel not only hopeless but helpless and fearful as well. However, if I were to talk to anyone [who doesn't know me] about this, they would probably recommend some sort of drug to ease my mind. But is that the answer? That's not even a solution. That's more denial.

Happy Friday!

[sigh] OH, the New Kids on the Block. Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh! The Right Stuff!

NKOTB comeback? ...hmmm. If only I were still in touch with Janeen ...

Janeen was IN LOVE with NKOTB ...IN LOVE. I was hot for Donnie but I never made it to one of their shows. HOWEVER, Janeen and I would record their videos [on Maeg's Videos of course, along with others] and learn all the dance moves and then record ourselves dancing and singing. Oh oh oh oh oh, if I only had those tapes! I think she was a year younger than me which explains the NKOTB mania. But I definitely had a couple magazine tear-outs on my walls of Donnie [next to Corey Haim and Kirk Cameron and No. 1choice - JOHNNY DEPP] ...so dreamy.

I'm not sure where I stand on a NKOTB reunion though. I think it's more out of fun than anything serious. Sadly, the only member who seems to hit any notes is Joey. I wonder if Janeen will be getting tix to a show?

note* Every Christmas my brother pops in NKOTB Christmas tape just for old times' sake and we laugh merrily while decorating the tree - not actually joking here

Yay for Gay Mariage in CAli!

Yin & Yang

The Pep Rally

I've been working on my husband's blog all day. He said if I made it look better, he'd write more ...we'll see.

Check it out The Pep Rally

Your thoughts?

it's totally making me want to redo mine now.

Random Thoughts: Wednesday Roundup

* Old Fashioned *
In a time of techno futurism, there sure are a lot of old fashioned trends [not fashion-wise] happening. It's kind of mind-blowing and mushy. It's more Grandma than cute but I find myself "trying" to get on board with it. But honestly, I'm bored with it.

* On Songs *
If I can dance to it and sing to it ...there's a pretty good chance I'll like it.

* On Change *
People are sure set in their ways. They don't want to learn new things - like AT ALL. On top of their resistance to change, they're very angry with "different" than they know and want to complain about it. Doesn't life get boring if there's nothing new to learn? CHALLENGE YOUR BRAIN - it keeps you young.

* On Style *
Old people wearing trendy eighties fashions just look like they're still wearing their old clothes and not stylish in the least. There's a fine line people - A FINE LINE.

* On Consideration *
If you're considerate to another person in a situation but the other person doesn't view that act as considerate, you cannot expect the same "consideration".

* On the Lakers *
Please beat the Jazz by 20 tonight!

* On Hard Candy *
The best track on Madonna's new album "Hard Candy" is Voices. Coming in second is "She's not me" and "Miles Away". Mostly, and sadly, the songs would be better without her voice on them. Hear below.

Death by Printer

I have been fighting with printers since 1997, the beginning of my career as a graphic and web designer. It seems that they work fine until you're in a crunch or need more than, uh, I dunno, ONE THING PRINTED! Why after 10 years of printers, do they still give me grief? Hasn't technology gotten to printers yet?

I am at work right now manually loading paper into my printer ONE SHEET AT A TIME - FRONT AND BACK because it will not accept the paper unless I do so ...and I have over 100 sheets to go! Why the printer just refuses to do it's job is beyond me. I have to come to work and do my job every day ...printer, please just DO WHAT I PAID YOU TO DO!

My new celly ...The Egg

However, like the LRX, it's still a concept. Damn my phone for dying before The Egg is manufactured and distributed! [fists raised] DAMNITALL!


Why NOW do I want to invest in the iPhone when the awesomeness that is the Egg MAY BE AVAILABLE IN THE NEAR FUTURE?

click HERE for more info and to see other f*cking amazing phones at yankodesign.com

Verizon is on my shit list!

Just about two months ago I got a text on my cell from Verizon informing me that my 2 year contract was up.

My phone WAS still in perfect working order so I didn't rush into Verizon to get a new one. My birthday is coming and I figured it would be a good gift from my hubs.

Within the last week however, it has been infuriating me; dropping calls, shutting off, going to speakerphone, just an all-around nuisance. Which brings me to the theory that they only make the phones to last as long as your contract lasts so you HAVE to buy a new one and sign a new deal. Because of this, I will not resign with Verizon - even though they probably all do this. It's just not very eco-minded! If my phone is still working ...why do I need a new one? annoying.

Happy Friday!

This is just too amazing not to watch. I originally posted it here as a link but today I revisited it and laughed OUT LOUD! Check out the front guy's face! So into it.



Warning: This song will be on constant rotation in your head for the remainder of the day. But it's so worth it!

decisions, decisions

I've had my car back now for just over a month (after six months of abandonment) and the lease is due May 15th. Originally I was going to buy out the lease and keep the car because it's a great car and they have discontinued this body style - which I like much better than the new one. But now that the entire car has been rebuilt, (and been hit on the street in the middle of the night + another small accident that was not my fault) I'm not sure I should keep it considering future retail value. The car is a 2004 and only has 22K miles! A major pro! But it costs about $80 to fill up the tank - which I really only fill up twice a month, but I still think at this point, I should start fresh!

New car = new phase in life! ...and I am definitely on that track.

I've now decided to test drive a couple models in the price range and body style I like and am going to go after work today to do so. Soon after making this decision, my insides are all a-flutter. The excitement is killing me!

A bad case of Orange Face

For the past three years I've been using Bare Minerals make-up and I LOVE IT! Seriously, it takes less than ten minutes to do my make-up in the morning and it's mostly fool-proof. However, it seems that when I originally purchased the first kit of colors, I was very tan and chose the medium skin tone. It also seems that over the past three years, tanning has been less appealing to me (maybe because our pool is underground and sucks or maybe because my dad died of skin cancer - could be either?) - anyway, let's just say I'm not so tan any more - but somehow I still thought I was. I would try to add make-up to my neck to blend it but it never EVER really blended right.

Last week I went to Sephora and decided to try the lighter shade (fairly light instead of just light). I recall trying this color before and it being too pink for me...or at least I thought.

It is not until now, face and neck the same (or really close to the same) color that I realize that I have been walking around with orange face for at least two years. I'm not going to lie, someone mentioned to Pep that I shouldn't wear so much make-up and he informed me of my mistake too. But he just said TOO MUCH MAKE-UP- not THE WRONG COLOR. So it didn't click for me. I'm going to TRY to pretend that I actually WAS as tan as I thought I was for a while at least, so as not to crawl up into a whole of embarrassment admitting it was THREE YEARS.

Either way, the first step is realizing the problem. I can say that I'm not in denial any more and no longer have a case of the orange face!

My Mother is a Mrs. Again!

After two days of crazy, I finally finished my mom's bouquet on Saturday morning. It was supposed to be professionally done, but on such late notice, the flower shop couldn't get the flowers I wanted. So I watched this video and got a few tips. It turned out beautiful but I was afraid she wasn't going to like it. I don't know why. She loved it.

Saturday morning was very emotional for me. Every time I looked at the bouquet I started tearing up. Kelley called and I sobbed to her on the phone. Pep would try to hug me and I'd soak his shoulder in saline. I'm sure there were many reasons for the tears but mostly, I was still struggling with doing what was right in this situation. I actually called my mom on Thursday afternoon and was welcomed with her usual, excitedly high pitched "HI MAEGAN" to which I was confused. We had a nice convo (which confused me more) and decided to go to therapy together to work through our issues. I think it was a step in the right direction. I love my mom and I'd rather share love than tension and anger.

So, this afternoon, Pep and I went to my mom's to see her and Barry meet in the backyard before their wedding. She looked so beautiful. I haven't seen her beauty shine like it did today in so many years. That makes me happy for her. She is truly happy and loves Barry and I hope they will grow together in love.

We took pictures in the backyard of them and with my bro and sis and then I hugged Barry and told him I was happy he was marrying my mom and he said "You should really be there" and I just smiled and walked away. I walked over to my mom and hugged her and told her congratulations and that I was happy for her. I was barely keeping it together.

Then, we gathered everything together and they all headed to the beach for the small ceremony and Pep and I went home.

I couldn't help feeling a bit empty inside but I knew there was purpose behind the decision not to go. I know she wanted me there but she was very understanding and accepting of my decision. I really truly did want to be a part of it but felt compelled to stick my ground. I cannot allow myself to regret it too much because it was a decision I had to make. Even if it makes me an asshole, I think my mother and my relationship will flourish because of it. And even if it did nothing else but to signify the two of us moving forward with our lives individually, connected as mother/daughter but not completely tied to each other's life outcome, that is a good thing too.

I can see the wedding in my head and it was beautiful. I called her and by chance, it was right as they were walking back to the car after the ceremony. I can't believe my timing was so perfect. I remembered her call to me right after Pep and I got married and I thought she would like the same congratulatory call. She sounded so happy. I could hear the huge smile on her cheeks. She said that strangers on the beach were congratulating them and at the end, the seals popped their heads out of the ocean, which reminded her of our little dog Rikki from days of yore. I told her he was there with her.

I wished them a happy honeymoon and I could hear a tiny tinge of a whimper in her voice. She said I love you. I said I love you too.

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Woodward!

Who am I? Where am I?

The past two nights I've woken up from dreams where I was not me. I was me but couldn't convince anyone of it and it's beginning to make me think I'm having a major identity crisis!

I'll spare you hours of details about the dreams because who likes to hear about someone else's dreams? Really.

but...
In the first dream, I was me but had my mother's car and my mother's drivers license, wallet, purse, etc. and was trying to convince [the people at the airport?] that I was not her. But I had no way of proving it because I had all of her identification and only my face to prove my point.

In the second dream, I had to be two places at once; a funeral and a photo shoot. Weird. So, for the funeral (which was filled with faces from high school), I went with my face, but for the photo shoot, I had my cousin Kristie's face on and was trying to explain to the photographers that it was not my face - but of course, they didn't believe me. Why would they?

The dreams were weird, to say the least, but it makes sense that I would be torn with the complicated decision of what I want to do and what I'm supposed to do, who I am and who I want to be - and possibly more confusion wrapped up within the two. WHEW!

Needless to say, I am confused about every aspect of my being right now. Except maybe, my hair. :)

Good Vibrations

When we watched "What The Bleep" for the first, okay, 100 times, we were most taken by the Japanese scientist (or author?) Masaru Emoto who claims that positive and/or negative words or thoughts affected water and is said to absorb, hold, and even retransmit human feelings and emotions. We were intrigued, to say the least, and purchased the dvd The Hidden Messages in Water so that we could learn more. We then decided to write positive words on all of our water bottles to see if it worked. Now, I'm no scientist (as G. Bush would say) and we didn't test the theory out to the fullest but, we I continue to write positive words on our bottles weekly. If it does nothing else but force everyone to think about something positive when they pick up a water bottle (and every time they take a sip), then that is enough for me.



Today, on dailymantra.com I watched the video below which claims that the positive words or good intentions could benefit chocolate in the same way. They had advanced meditators infuse the chocolate with good intentions and in a double-blind study, there was a 67% increase in mood of the people who ate it over regular chocolate. Watch the short video below for all the details.

Again, who knows if it truly works, but it's chocolate and that alone is worth trying! Go to intentionalChocolate.com to try some.

note* In an effort to "go green" we are trying to use less water bottles and have purchased SIGG aluminum canteens in addition...but it's hard when a pre-made, delicious water bottle with a positive affirmation is sitting right there, ready to pick up and drink!