Oprah & Perspective Change & Perception

On my days home {Monday & Wednesday} I tend to finally get around to eating lunch at around 3pm …which just so happens to be Oprah time, which I’m sure everyone in the world is already aware of. So I take a break, make an avocado and tomato sandwich on a toasted english muffin and turn on the tube.

I watched yesterday as Dooce and other mommy bloggers talked about the less-than magical side of motherhood and must admit that it confirmed some of my cons on my list of “To Be a Mommy or Not” {pros and cons} …which up until then was about equal and now is a bit heavier on the con side …and has left me utterly confused.

Today, Oprah is talking about couples whose relationships are not withstanding the recession. Couples that stop loving each other when all the “things” {houses, tv, cars, etc} are taken out of the equation.

There is a couple on who have had their house foreclosed on and have moved apart to afford to live and feed their daughter. While I think the mom in this case is a bit rigid {she’s holding tight to the belief that her husband is worth nothing if he doesn’t bring home the bacon – and he’s been jobless for over a year now} the dad is far too depressed to do anything about it. She just stated that “Cancer was easier than dealing with this” …and then admitted that it sounded crazy.

I feel bad for them.

I feel badly for anyone who has to go through this kind of stress and it has really given me a bit of a new perspective on my own situation. I realize that I sometimes focus on what I don’t have instead of what I do have and it’s not really until I write it down and spew it out, that I realize how wrong it is. I’m mostly referring to this post but really, all the cryin’ about not being pregnant is part of it as well.

What I’m finding via this blog is that this seems to be a pattern for me …I cry cry cry about it ….then find eye-opening new perspective and voilà! my mind is changed.

I’m not sure where I originally found this quote: “A miracle is just a shift in perception” …but it’s so true. {and I used it on one of my bags along with a butterfly as a symbol of change to remind myself}

I only wish I could figure out how to switch said perception during or rather, before I cry cry cry about it instead of in retrospect. And I feel this way every time . . .and I wonder why I still cannot see it in the midst of it.


LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, and home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life with her husband and adorable dogs, two Frenchies & an old Pug in wheels. Here you will find her talking about their journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation up to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life.

21 Comments

  • Tiffany

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    Thank you for that quote; it is so true. Perception is everything.

  • Tanya

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    I think it’s ok to still want and to feel grief if you don’t receive. I watched the Oprah episode with the moms. While it was humorous and certainly truthful, it failed to show the other side of mothering which makes that bad side of things seem SO minimal..really.

    I relate to what you say though. I’m a very indecisive person who tends to have different emotions and thoughts on my life situations every single day. It drives me whacky sometimes.

    Crying about things in your life makes you real. Crying, laughing, being honest..that’s what I personally want to read about. Reality!

    Sorry for the book…great post and perspective :)

  • prettylittletangents

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    I think sometimes we have to go through the cry cry crying to be able to see the new perspective. Along the same lines of without darkness there is no light. Perhaps in time we will be able to shorten the crying period, but I think it’s necessary.

    Good for you for counting your blessings. It’s an exercise I’ve been struggling with. Whenever I feel down I try to remember to take stock of what I do have and then think how I’d feel if it all went away (loved ones, friendships, my adorable dog Frank). Then I 1. appreciate those things more and 2. feel better. It’s so easy to take things for granted. Here’s to new (and faster) perspectives :)
    (And I too apologize for the novel!)

  • alissa

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    I think you have to cry – to see that side of things, in order to appreciate the good side (good isnt the right word – more positive?)
    I’m sad I missed this episode, sounds like a good one.

  • Mama Kat

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    I think when you want something badly you just turn down the negatives. After cry cry crying about not being able to have it maybe you resolve that it’s not going to happen and then open up to things that reinforce that thinking.

    Just call me Dr. Kat.

  • Mrs. Lovers Knot

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    It makes me said about the couples who can not make it through the recession. I can’t make a real judgement since I am not in their shoes, but my 6.5 year relationship has endured those times where I wasnt working and he supported me and vice versa. To me, it didn’t matter who brought home the bacon as long as at the end of the day he still makes me happy.

  • Dooder City

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    it is so true sometimes i am like, ‘i want more dammit’ but then i think. ‘will that make me a better person?’ i was reading some cheesy quote that the mountain top is great but the climb to get there should be the most enjoyable.

    i just have to take a deep breathe and look around me and the great city i live in and the amazing apartment, boyfriend, dog i have and just be happy….and it’s not so hard to do!

  • Mrs.GB

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    It’s healthy to have a good, grounded perspective on things.

    But I also think it’s human nature to want more, to want better. You reach a goal and set a new one.

    But then you look around and see people with less, and it makes you feel selfish. Another natural reaction.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself for being human. When you feel like you want want want, give give give instead.

  • Couture Carrie

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    Hey M!
    Thoughtful and thought-provoking post! Thanks, doll :)

    xoxox,
    CC

  • BeeHappy

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    Loved this post! It’s so real just like laughing and crying. It makes us a part of who we are! I love your blogs! :)

  • scarlethue

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    Perception is everything, indeed. Speaking of Oprah, I saw on her show once a story about a man who got laid off. He came home, depressed, to tell his wife the bad news. Instead of crying or getting mad, she hugged him, opened a bottle of wine, and they celebrated the change that was coming. He said her reaction motivated him to make something big out of what could have been a tragedy, and now he has his dream job. I think that’s simply amazing and has changed my reaction to events as well.

    I always think what’s meant to be will be, no matter what we do, but the one thing we can control is our reaction to those events. Those reactions, not the events, make us who we are. It takes hard work to change your reactions– you need a mantra to repeat to yourself when you start to feel down. That quote you just posted would work great.

  • Char

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    it seems so simple, yes – changing perception. but, it’s difficult to do – or else we would all have exactly what we want, right? so I understand why it is so difficult to not cry.

  • kelly

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    i am so disturbed with the lady’s comment about Cancer was easier then dealing with this…i want to say more but ill just leave it at that.

    i always remind myself count your blessings not your problems.

    …and its always good to cry. release that pent up emotion so that you can reevaluate, move forward and heal…

  • drollgirl

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    hmmmmmmmmmm. excellent thought for me to ponder.

  • Rachel

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    That quote is so true…thanks for sharing. We all tend to focus on what we dont’ have (me a job) instead of what we do have.

  • Hanako66

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    So true, we always want more and rarely stop to think about how lucky we really are.

  • Holly

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    i saw both those oprahs as well and i felt so bad for that couple and i HAD hope for them but after they read their new vows and oprah said “you may now kiss the bride” and they laughed i was sad that they didn’t kiss. boo

  • stacy

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    your ‘shift in perception’ is occurring.

    i remember when i first began following your blog and you did a post about the lack of baby or house, and i left you a comment about ‘first world problems.’

    after i hit ‘publish’ i thought ‘maybe that was too harsh’, but you just seemed to me, to be, a well put together lady who knew she could, and already was, complete without those things.

    since that post, about 6 months ago, rest assured, you have written many more posts on this site in which you have counted your blessing then you have written about what you feel you are lacking.

    and, i’ve personally realized that it’s okay to ‘cry, cry, cry about it’ sometimes, as those are often the times from which our greatest shifts in perception will come.

    best
    stac

  • Chessa!

    April 9, 2009 | Reply

    ah, perspective. I think it’s perfectly healthy to feel sad and cry and not see how things really are. it’s normal. you’re doing the best you can. that’s all we can do. when we are hard on ourselves we just have to remind ourselves that we’re doing the best we can. whatever that is, if you feel it, then it’s okay. having perspective is good but when we can’t get it or see it, we have to listen to our own hearts.

  • Maeko

    April 10, 2009 | Reply

    Read The Secret. It also does wonders for perspective.

  • Candi

    April 10, 2009 | Reply

    And here I WISH I could cry. I know when things get really bad, and I get anxious it’s because I am holding everything in, and not allowing myself to feel. I remember having a conversation with my grandpa and grandma a few years ago, telling them how I have a difficult time crying, and my grandma stated how good it was to cry…and my grandpa said “you just have to know how to turn it off.” He didn’t say much, but when he did….it was memorable! I really love that quote you posted, and I am so glad you have a blog. Have I mentioned that before? :)

    Thanks for checking out my new blog, it wasn’t the same without your presence :) Btw…I totally loved Candifornia! :)

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