Control

This blog may be the only thing in my life that I have control over right now ….and honestly, I think I’m at a breaking point.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt powerless to everything? And if so, what did you do to empower yourself? …how did you gain control?


LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, and home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life with her husband and adorable dogs, two Frenchies & an old Pug in wheels. Here you will find her talking about their journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation up to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life.

50 Comments

  • Yaya

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I’m having a similar day. I’m having a ‘why me’ day. Why can’t I have a baby? Why can’t I get pregnant? Why do our friends get to have several babies and we still just want one?

    Control. Yes, I wish I had control over this, but I don’t. So instead I find something I’m passionate about and I run with it. I’m passionate about raising infertility and pregnancy loss awareness. That gives me a purpose until we are able to have our child.

  • Diabolina Da Fashionista

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    kiss you. me thinks we need to meet for drinks soon. so often when i read your blog i feel like we are at a similar crossroads.

    all i can say is that in the last few years i’ve come to the conclusion that control is an illusion. quite the discovery for someone who has been a type a all her life.

    now i think letting go is the key to true freedom, to true happiness. it is enormously difficult to believe that you are exactly where you are supposed to be every second of you life but you are.

    read my friend sable crow’s blog post about control – it’s a good one

    http://sablecrow.blogspot.com/2009/03/its-all-about-control.html

  • Savvy Mode SG

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    i take a step back and look at the good things in life that’s around me. it’s hard to focus sometimes feeling everything is out of control but perhaps it’s okay to accept not everything is within control.

  • Kellie

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I like to know that I CAN’T control everything b/c it seems to take some of the pressure off of me. Although there are time when I wish I could, I just take a step back and try to look at the big picture. There is usually a reason behind everything, even if you may not know it.

  • Miss Rosa

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Step back, walk away from the situation as best you can for a moment; realize that you cannot control everything and you should try not to stress over things that you have no control over!

  • b is for brown

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    babe! i hear you. you just want to catch a break? i know this feeling…when nothing goes your way.

    i go into a quiet room and put my earphones in and visualize all the good things i need and want in my life. i also focus on what i can control…my diet, if i laugh or cry, baking treats, etc.

    hugs!

  • Leigh

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    What always works for me is stepping away from everything, and taking some time to myself, even if it is only for a few hours. Go on a walk with your ipod. I also love to put all that needs to get done aside for a bit and organize my space. I love to organize. I hope your day gets better for you Maegan xoxo

  • The Socialite

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    unfortunately I’m looking for the same advice. I’m STILL unable to land a job and it’s taking it’s toll. The fiance really does the best job at making me smile every single day though!

  • Lo

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Breathing. And knowing that this too, shall pass. No one stays in this place forever. And I can’t think of one person who has not felt or been in a place of feeling out of control.

  • K.Line

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Oh yes, I have totally felt beyond out of control and miserable and transitional and I perservered – not a very sexy solution – not really having much faith that anything would get any better. I was simply driven by a sense of responsibility. Amazingly and thankfully, it paid off. Things gradually improved, one thing building on the last, and now(while I recognize how fundamentally out of control we all are) I am much more content with the status quo.

    Hate to say that the changes did not happen quickly for me. Each small step took time. Probably was 4 years to get through the worst of it. (Not that I imagine your scenario is anywhere near as dire as mine was. And of course, not intending to undermine your situation.)

    Only trying to indicate that sometimes the bad doesn’t go away quickly, but it’s still vital to keep on despite your greatest fears that there’s no point. Changing your attitude, one matter at a time.

  • drollgirl

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    please let me know if there is anything i can do to help. please? if a vacation would help, just say the word. i’ll cover for you any time. or if there is anything i can do, please please PLEASE let me know. and i am wondering if this is related to mother’s day.

  • Char

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    yes, and I would like to say I regained control but what I learned is that there are certain things we will never have control over and how to let them go…and then worry about what was real worry instead of faux worry. but….i worry every day about finding a job.

  • ~Mrs. Guru~

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    That is hard. I usually pray. I will be keeping you in my prayers!

  • freeTEYme

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Support of family and friends helped a lot. Hang in there M. I don’t know what you’re going through and i cn’t imagine either but we’re here to listen.

  • BeeHappy

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I’ve been trying to appreciate the good things I have in my life like my amazing family! Because of them I am doing ok. I’m still trying to find a job and that is weighing heavily on me right now but I’ll get through it…I know it. I also think it’s all about your support system!

  • Style Porn

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Have a drink and a smoke and tell myself, “This too shall pass.”

  • Kathy

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Breathe, drink water and call one friend, with friends everything is easier :)

  • The Seeker

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Sometimes it’s hard… but believe me this shall pass.
    You’re in my thoughts.

    xoxo

  • apriliniowa

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I find a patch of sunlight (like I did today) and soak in the sun until I can function like a normal person again. Nothing cures all ails like sunlight. And, often, I’ll write someone I care about a very long email letting them know that I love them. Or, worse, drink a copious amount of red wine after everyone has gone to bed and feel sorry for myself. But, seriously, I do hope you chin up. :)

  • Baking With Plath

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I have been feeling the exact same way. Still not sure how to gain control. I hope you feel better soon, love.

  • Maki

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    For the past five months or so, I’ve gone through many things that I’ve felt poweless over… More I struggle and try to control, more I go deeper into powelessness…

    Remember when you said before, “If it’s meant to be, it will happen”?? Now I take a deep breath, close my eyes and just let the nature take its own course. I realize now that I’m just a part of mother nature – you just gotta ride it through… Have faith – that’s what I tell myself when I feel powerless…

    Hope you’re okay…

  • down and out chic

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    sometimes not having control and is how it’s supposed to be. i hope things work out for you and if control is what you need, i hope you get it.

  • Keeley

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I have learned to embrace the unexpected. I know it’s easier said than done. It saddens me to read that you are having one of those moments in your life. Sending you happy thoughts and good vibes!

  • Mommy In Pink

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Oh wow..I have so been there! To be honest here, the only thing I’ve found that helps is prayer and a lot of quiet moments to reflect!

  • Nessa

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Trust me, i totally get you. I even have a post up today relating to this somewhat. Its at times like these that i pray harder. close my eyes and lean on God. Its also empowering to workout for me, very theraputic and makes me feel blessed to have such a wonderful body that i can control to such limits..thats me though! God luck and God Bless!! xoxo

  • LiLu

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Used to be: bulimia. Moved on to: drugs. Now: alcohol.

    I’m working my way down through the lesser of evils.

    Sigh.

  • Chrystina

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Oh honey, i cant even tell you how much i relate to this blog, and have related to it in the past as well. It’s the worst feeling when you think you cant control your life, the things that have to do with you, its not fair. But for me, i just needed one thing.. one thing that was in my power, that I could make better. And it helped me focus and not lose my mind basically. Even if its a blog, atleast you have something to come to that is 100% yours and in your power, no one has the ability to mess with that or ruin it. No matter how small it is.

    Im not sure what advice to give in a situation like this because if you could gain control over everything, Im sure we would, right? Haha. But I guess try one thing at al time, and find comfort and peace in that which you do have control over. And maybe more will work itself out. I know for me in the past I unfortunetly just had to run its course and put my energy in those that I can control and work as best I could with what I couldnt. But it takes time, and I hope things quickly become better for you love, you deserve it. Youre a gorgeous person with a beautiful heart and so much going for you. Blessings will come your way and hopefully turn things around, and hopefully what is bad will transform into something good.

    Just hold tight to what you love, enjoy the beautiful moments that you do get and I know sooner than later things will work out better for you, and the dark clouds will float away and leave you with some radiant sunshine!!

    Whenever you need to vent, Myself, and Im sure all of us are ALL here for you, to support you and encourage you if you need it! <333

  • Mrs. D

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    Who really DOES have control? None of us. I have learned to pray and just let God take the reins, because He does anyway, lol. When I ‘gave up’ trying to control it all, life got much more enjoyable.

  • rebecca

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I know how it feels to have no control – to think you did everything right and for what – it seems so many people are having trouble right now. To make myself feel better I have been spending time with good friends and reading dalai lama books- I know everything happens for a reason but it sure can suck. I will be thinking of you hoping it all gets better.

  • Sweet Nothings

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    hope your doing ok..i try to have a relax bath , a glass( or two, or three..) of wine to calm the nerves, and pray for a better tom..come to think of it, that is going to be my night tonight

  • Jules

    May 11, 2009 | Reply

    I take one day at a time and control the little things that I can. I also picture the outcome that I want. I picture it a lot throughout the day. Relax as much as possible and take care of you!!!! You’re in my thoughts.

  • Felicia

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    When this happens to me it usually culminates with a full on anxiety attack and then it kind of fixes itself after that. I know therapy has helped me and blogging helped me through a particularly rough time too.

  • Miss Anne

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    Oh sweet pea, i hear you there.
    Sometimes life is that way, I dont know if it’s to remind us that we’re not always in control (there’s something bigger than us ..(GoD).. ) or if it’s just a humbling experience.

    Regardless, I think you’re fierce, smart, sassy, gorgeous, and have alot going for you.

    Step out of the box, and look back… you shine my friend.

    you shine.

  • The Beauty File

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    I think that the best advice any friend has ever given me is when you are feeling bad it is a relection of a deeper need to give back to someone else who needs you. Interpret it however you want, but the way I did was to get out of marketing and pursue what I really wanted and essentially NEEDED to do for myself, a helping profession. I think if there is a volunteer opportunity to work with people- young or old- who really NEED you, it takes the focus off of whatever you are going through internally and shifts it to them, even if only temporarily. I wish you only the best and want you to know that anytime I have gone through anything I always have come out at the other side a changed, stronger person.

  • Frou Flu

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    awww:( i hope you are feeling much much better now. yes i’ve gone through that too in one point of my life. i felt kind of useless… unaccomplished. i had a bit of a battle with self worth haha but i did fix it:) i decided to go to school again, take my masters, open my own business… i followed my heart and started to commit myself to what i was passionate about:) i used to see life as a glass that was half empty. today i see it as a glass that is half full. i don’t feel powerless anymore and i am much much more confident and contented:) when there are shitty days, i try not to think about the stuff that suck. instead, i always make it a point to remember that there is always something to smile about whether it’s something very shallow or otherwise:) i am also doing the gratitude journal bit and i have to say it does help:) when you feel crappy, just remember the wonderful happy things in your life—that works for me:)

    thanks for leaving a comment on my blog:) i am tagging you now to do the same thing i did haha simply because i want to read your answers:) oh and i hope you are smiling today…:)

  • ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    Find that strengh You know you have within yourself Maegan, a strengh that has always pulled you through in the past. Sometimes you just have to say “Fuck you and Fuck this!” For your own peace of mind and come back at it later when you can handle it.

  • Carlotta

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    I ‘ve never had control because of my parents, now I’m in a paticular condition and I need to change and move from here and again they’re doing everything to stop me..well I don’t care this I will do it no matter what I think that everything in our life in about choices , I need to make mine alone it’s my life and we all have only one!

  • Rosita

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    i am feeling pretty similar, keep your head up lady! <3

  • Jordan Clarke

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    Urgh…story of my life. Everyday is battle to get out (and stay out) of bed, to learn to love myself and the keep going towards my dreams. I feel totally helpless atm without my own home, a somewhat stable career or any decent savings. I’ll get there one day but it can see a long way off what people try to bring your down. I try to surround myself with positive and supportive people who will remind me why I should follow my dreams and damn the man…xxx

  • Kim Hightower

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    I totally feel what you are going through. Right now, my life is totally out of control, in every possible way. But, I have learned, you can’t worry about it, you just have to let go and hope that you are making the best possible choices for yourself! Chin up! Sending lots of good vibes your way!

  • La Belette Rouge

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    Control is something I lost years ago and after years of fighting it I have learned that control was an illusion in the first place and that I am not in control. When I want to feel in control I often clean my closet, small things that allow me the feeling of control.

    Hugs and good thoughts to lovely you.

  • Chris

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    Yes, I did, as recently as a few months ago. Losing my job, not knowing which direction to go in, wondering whether to start a family or not. Even before that, when my job was going to hell and I hated getting up every day. The only thing I could look to was time and the rest of my life. I had/have so much good that I don’t always appreciate, even little things like flowers blooming, my dogs sleeping at my side, my friends and family being there for me, or my husband smiling at me and telling me I’m beautiful when I’m wearing sweats and no makeup. I hung onto the things that meant something, things that were lovely and quiet and soft and solid, like little islands of serenity and beauty and normalcy.

    It’s so true, that quote, that “This too, shall pass.” Being proactive and trying to change things is also highly recommended, although don’t despair when things don’t go your way. Just keep plugging away and life will recalibrate.

    Hang in there :)

  • PS~Erin

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    I *think* the moment you really realize that you are out of control is when it all becomes okay and managable. I don’t know what we can do to facilitate getting to that moment though. It always drives me nuts when people tell me that “things happen for a reason”. Although I’m sure it’s true and looking back it’s way easier to put the puzzle pieces together, but it doesn’t help the now. I wish I had some wisdom to pass along… The best thing I can offer is to be sure to take care of yourself. When you feel completely frazzled emotionally/metally, combat it by being as healthy physically as you can to compensate. Drink lots of water, be sure to eat and sleep. Go primitive for now bc you want to come out of this better.

    I don’t know if this type of book would interest you, but Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow was comforting to me after we had a miscarriage and I was quite depressed.

  • Chessa!

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    Yes, I’ve definitely felt like this…it happens from time to time. I don’t think that there is any magic behind it. I think all you can do is take a deep breath, literally, and take a moment and then try to look straight ahead and get to the next thing. It can be so easy to feel overwhelmed…I have learned the hard way to just acknowledge what’s going on with me, process it and think of all of the things that I can do to change it. And I try to gain comfort in knowing that I’m just doing the best I can.

  • stacy

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    let go!

    why do you want control anyhoo?

    don’t be attached to the final outcome – live everyday to meet your definition of success and the rest will fall into place.

  • Girl Japan

    May 12, 2009 | Reply

    Hi Darling! Gosh, I can relate and that is very comforting- knowing how unique but the same we are- you can always crash here at our flat in Tokyo- anytime = )

    I agree with K-line and many others, slowly jabbing away at the “bad”, not an easy task and often times I wish “when will things every change”

  • Simply Seductive

    May 13, 2009 | Reply

    Oh my. I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said so eloquently by those before me. For me, I practice gratitude every day, even for the smallest blessings. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

    All the best,

  • Laura

    May 13, 2009 | Reply

    I get on my kneew & pray. Keep it goin’.

  • KT

    May 14, 2009 | Reply

    Lack of control? It makes me feel out of control. And I don’t deal well with that. Means of coping? Shut down. (Not a suggestion by all means. Kind of ineffective…)

  • Hanako66

    May 14, 2009 | Reply

    so sorry that you feel like this right now:(

    I try to take stock of the good things, but there are times when I just feel exactly like this…

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