. . . dreaming



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If it’s true what they say about acknowledging you are crazy …makes you anything but …then I AM CRAZY. However, knowing that is not much of a help when I feel absolutely out of my mind.

Do you ever just want to move away …to an island, where no one knows you and you have no responsibility or obligations? …start a completely new life? A do-over, if you will?

My birthday is more of a “New Year” to me than January 1st. It’s a time when I evaluate my life, my accomplishments …and my failures. And more than that, I’ve had so many life-changing moments and traumatic events that have taken place on or near my birthday that unfortunately, all those memories slowly creep up on me in the form of tears and lumps in my throat.

There will be no outfit post because I’m working from home today. I’m not sure if I’m sick in the head or sick in the stomach but either way, both lead to the same outcome. Sick.

Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes yesterday …they made me smile :)

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LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, and home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life with her husband and adorable dogs, two Frenchies & an old Pug in wheels. Here you will find her talking about their journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation up to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life.

38 Comments

  • diane

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    Awwww, happy belated birthday sweetie. It’s good to take a little time to sort things out. Wanting to get away from it all is a natural reaction. My advise to you is, stay in, play mellow music, pamper yourself, pig out, watch a chick flick, and go to bed early. Hugs. xo d

  • drollgirl

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    i’ll take an island too. fuck this shit! and hope you feel better soon. :[

  • brooke

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • brooke

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    when i get into a mood like this, it is when i do most of my wikipedia’ing on cities/towns i would like to live in…then i spend hours on forsalebyowner.com trying to find the house i would buy when i move there…it may be ridiculous but it is my escape from my reality when my reality gets to be too overwhelming.

  • Elizabeth Marie

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I woke up this morning wanting to be anywhere but here. I was thinking pittsburgh (clearly not awake yet) but an island is usually where I see myself in my dreams.

    Birthdays can be tricky. I hope you feel better soon love. :)

  • Milly

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    i feel the same way every now and then….feel better.

  • J-Diggety

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I’m sorry your birthday is tied to not-so-happy memories. I’ve always loved, loved, loved my birthday, but this last one was very hard – the man I hoped to marry decided just weeks earlier to peace out – it was a one I looked forward to, too, my 30th. Bittersweet indeed. Try to focus on all the amazing things you’ve done, so the “failures” fade into the background. And I will try to take my own advice! ;)

  • Chessa!

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I think we all need an island…

    thinking of you…
    xx

  • K.Line

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I know exactly what you mean about reflection at the birthday – I do that also. Sometimes, I don’t like the reflecting :-) Next week, the new year will have begun and you’ll be in a different mind set, I’m sure.

  • ~Mrs. Guru~

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    awe, I used to want to escape to an island all the time.

  • Yaya

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    Yes, birthdays are a time that I evaluate my life as well. in fact, the biggest evaluation I say in my head is “I still don’t have a baby and I’m another year older”. Yes, depressing, but that is why I never go crazy and “celebrate” on my birthday…I’m too busy having the blues.

  • The Alleged Ringleader

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    Gosh girl, I am so feeling the same way! I just want to go and get away BY MYSELF and just think things through…or crawl into bed and not have to come out for a few days. Ugh, I don’t know what it is but I am sure that this June gloom weather we’re having in LA isn’t helping! In the past week I have certainly had my share of lumps in the throat as well as shed too many tears over things for which I have no control over.

    Try to cheer up, I know it’s so much easier said than done sometimes!

  • freeteyme

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I am with you my dear. That is why I’m skipping my birthday this year. BUT, you still have to celebrate and enjoy your day!You are very special – you’ve got tons of talent, you’re pretty, smart and we all love you! So Happy birthday again, smile, put on your happy outfit even if you’re working from home. Here’s a glass of soda (cause I’m at work) from me to you! cheers!

  • scarlethue

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    YES! I just posted last week about how I needed a vacation from myself. Want to switch lives for a little while? :)

  • J-Diggety

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I have to add another comment… Maegan, you are FAB-U-LOUS. I don’t even know you beyond this blogosphere and I think you are just the coolest. Case in point: I had a crazy dream last week (which I just remembered, hence the 2nd comment) that I went out to LA to visit you. We were kickin’ it like we were old friends. We started at this shopping mall which also had aerobics rooms distributed throughout, and all the classes offered were very hip and trendy. Everyone was wearing shiny workout gear and they were all beautiful. Then we jumped on our bikes, as you wanted to take me to a hip bar in this obscure part of downtown LA, where all the alternative-cycling-culture crowd hung out. Cute guys on bikes kept whistling at us as we passed. It was totally whacky and random and fun. I think my subconscious was telling me that deep down, I really want to hang out with you – ’cause you’re rad!

  • Hanako66

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I hope that you can smile today too:)

  • Savvy Mode SG

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    ah hope you feel better.

  • Jessica

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I hope you feel better :-)

  • Lily G.

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Hang in there!

    liliesandgrapes.blogspot.com

  • Miss Anne

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    heart you peanut.
    keep dreaming.
    it makes your eyes twinkle.

    tomorrow will shine brighter.

    xo

  • jasmine

    June 2, 2009 | Reply

    happy birthday a day late. i’m sorry you’re having a sick/crazy day today. i am too actually and can totally relate to not knowing if you’re sick in the head or in the stomach. it’s really crazy how much control our thoughts have over us. i wish i was better at controlling my thoughts and feelings so that i didn’t drive myself nuts so often! i hope you start feeling better soon, and i’m glad you took the day to work at home and be alone. it sounds like you’re taking good care of yourself.

  • daer0n

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    I feel like that too a lot of times. Some of the choices that we make sometimes make our lives anything but easy. And sometimes if you don’t feel like jumping off the tallest building in the world, you just feel like moving out to a different planet or a deserted island.

    But then, when all the bad things and rough patches become part of the past you re-think the idea about fleeding to a different planet or whatever. It is hard to learn a lesson, from a traumatic/hard experience when we go through it, but in the end human beings were designed to be able to adapt themselves to things and become able to overcome them, and leave them in the past, bury them, and keep going on with life.
    The toughest thing is to be able to learn from them rather than dwelling on them.

    I’m sure all these things have taught you something and you have become a better person, stronger perhaps. I heard this one time, and i will never forget it, there is no such thing as failure, only results and lessons learned. All the emotional aching can also bring something positive into your life, which is becoming a better human being. Don’t see yourself as a failure when you can’t accomplish something, but instead, try one more time, cause trying one more time makes it always better since you’ve already learned from what most people call ‘mistakes’.

    You’re not alone, we’ve all been there :) Feel better!

    XOXO

  • tanya

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    Happy Belated Birthday, Maegan! Birthdays are always my time of reflection too…sometimes taking a day off to re-examine things is always better than being forced to take longer cause you didn’t take the day off from the start (if that makes any sense)! So, take the time today. GIve yourself this one day…cause tomorrow is a brand new one :-)

  • Lauren From Texas

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    aww I hope you feel better soon. Birthdays should be a New Year’s Day. It’s a great time to reflect the past year and wonder what changes should take place during the next. I know fabulous things are in store for you this year. :)

  • Lisa Petrarca

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    Happy Belated Birthday! Sorry you’re feeling down. Just know that you are very special and have a way of brightening everyone’s day with your posts.

    Try to focus and reflect on all the good and positive things in your life. Just remember, without all the trials and struggles, you wouldn’t be the strong, amazing person that you are today!

    Hope you get some rest!

  • black vanilla rose

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    what beautiful photos. i want to go to an island far far away right now xxx

  • Lisa Petrarca

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    Oh one more thing, I did a post about tropical vacations from our home.

    Basically, get yourself your favorite tropical drink, set up a fan next to your computer (the breeze effect).

    Get your favorite chocolate, cake, pie (whatever your secret indulgence is). Set it next to the computer, then click, “Next Blog” at the top of your blog. Keep doing it until you arrive at your tropical islands! LOL! But it is kind of fun.

    With a family my size I never get a vacation…this is the best I can do.

    See if it helps!

  • prettylittletangents

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    I hear you girl – sometimes I have a perpetual lump in my throat. My wish for you is to make some progress getting past some of these hurtful memories. *fingers crossed*

    I tried to wish you a happy birthday yesterday but I wasn’t able to get to your comment page. So happy belated birthday, fellow Gemini! (I usually blame our sign for my emotions :)). Take care, Darling.

  • Hollie

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    happy belated birthday my friend! hope you feel better soon!

    and that bubble skirt ‘how to’ was off the chain! you’re freakin awesome!

  • Style Porn

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    Sick in the head=sick. And it pisses me off when people don’t understand that. Like, would you tell a diabetic to just “get over it”? Hell no! People are so ignorant. Oh well. At least you had the luxury of curling up in your house and not having to see annoying, ugly people all day. Can ya tell I’m bitter?!

  • Chris

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    Happy belated birthday!

    I must say, I’m like you when it comes to birthdays. I get very depressed and weepy for some reason, and it’s getting worse as the years go on. I thought it’d improve when I got married and moved into a house with my husband, and when I had a great job going (which I have since been laid off from). But something is always missing or bothering me, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it aging? Losing my youth? Or regrets? I don’t know. I hope this year’s birthday is a happy one.

    I also hope the same for you. I think if you have nothing else to say this year, at least you can say you’re a great person, and have reached out and really touched many people out here in blogland. That’s saying a lot :)

  • Christina Lee

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    yep the re-evaluating thing- happens every year- even more than that-but it’s ok sometimes it helps you re-align whats important in life :):)

  • Kristin

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    I also tend to re-evaluate around my bday. I hope that your re-evaluation leads to positivity. You shoot us with happiness every day with your fabulous posts! You deserve some yourself!

  • me melodia

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    lovely dreams

  • Jill

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    I have escapist fantasies all the time chica…

  • Tee

    June 3, 2009 | Reply

    I think like this too. I sit and dream about having my own place out on some island like St. Croix and just ENJOYING life without all of the pressures and obligations. I definitely believe that in other places of the world, the value is placed on the human life as a whole as opposed to what you “do” or what you can achieve at work, or who you “are”. The focus is on family, friends, and living life and enjoying it. Here, we work ourselves to the grave trying to achieve some measure of worth because that’s what we’re “supposed” to do and it’s EXHAUSTING lol Some people enjoy that and more power to ya :)

    I am working on defining my own success and a life that is full of the things that really matter to me. Trying to reprogram my own mind. The way I look at it is that if we were meant to be living like this, there wouldn’t be so many people who are stressed, high blood pressure, etc.

    I don’t think you’re crazy at all! :) And I wish you all the best!!!!!

  • Mademoiselle Frou-Frou

    June 4, 2009 | Reply

    happy birthday hon!

    i know what you mean about birthdays…you think about where you would like to be at a certain age and where you are…or at least i do!

    thank you for the Frou Frou Fashionista plug too!!
    xoxo

  • Sherin

    June 5, 2009 | Reply

    Awww, hope you feel better soon. Hope you enjoyed your birthday!

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