Thoughts on Motherhood …on Mother’s Day

I began this blog originally in 2007 because I thought I was pregnant. Naming it “baby! baby!”, I wanted to document my pregnancy as such. When I found out I wasn’t pregnant, the blog quickly changed to …love Maegan {the name I had used previously to brand hand-made clothing & accessories I made & sold} and as I slowly found my voice and a reason for blogging I found myself {again} in the process. And instead of creating a baby, I created for myself what I had wanted to since beginning my career in web design in 1997.

That pregnancy false alarm in 2007 triggered my husband and I to sit down and have a serious talk about babies concluding with the decision that it was indeed time to procreate. Whether we were ready or not, it was what we were “supposed” to do now that we had been married for just over a year. And really, something I had thought I always wanted. So it began …which basically and unromantically meant, my husband stopped pulling out and I foolishly thought I’d get pregnant right away, the very next month to be exact …and when it didn’t happen, I was utterly shocked …shocked and appalled that I had been so careful my entire life trying NOT to get pregnant and here I was accepting sperm voluntarily with no fetus to show for it. I realized that I’d looked forward to my future self/my future life with children & a family as the end-all be-all so much so that I didn’t think about the fact that it just may not happen for me. Ever. Ne-ver. Not ever once did the thought enter my mind.

Month after month I’d begin and end the same vicious cycle like a crazy person doing the same thing expecting different results. Hoping and wishing and expecting to be pregnant at the end of 28 days just to be greeted with blood instead of morning sickness followed by tears of sadness & not of joy. The more I wasn’t pregnant the more I wanted to be. Logically it just wasn’t making sense to me because when I work hard at something I get results …and I was working hard and there were no results. And not that I think there is anything wrong with it, but fertility treatments were, and still are, not something I am interested in at all.

You know when you want something that you can’t have, all you seem to notice is that exact thing …everywhere? Baby-mania struck, and not just me, the entire world seemed to be baby-crazed. It was super-trendy among the celebrity sect for a couple of years, which of course trickled down to us regular folks and everyone seemed to be popping out babies, deeming them the new “it” accessory. My family and friends including “blog friends” have surpassed me, all either with kids of their own now or presently pregnant. Admittedly, I felt left out. Why didn’t I get to be pregnant? Why didn’t I get to feel the magic of growing a human inside of me? Why didn’t I get special treatment and a baby shower and at the end of 9 glorious months, a perfect little bundle of joy? Why didn’t I get to be included on Mother’s Day? Why me? What was wrong with me? I went through all the emotions I’m sure every women in my situation has gone through …and blogged about it along the way.

After my niece was born last October, I thought everything was going to be okay …and then two weeks later {and against many odds}, a family member accidentally became pregnant and decided not to keep the baby. And the depression that had been brewing the past two years turned into full-blown anxiety, the likes of which I hadn’t seen since my mid-twenties, and I thought it was going to take me down for good this time.

By January I told my husband that I was literally losing my mind and we needed to make a change. He agreed to move out of our dark, 3 window condo we had occupied for the previous 5.5 years and into a house. Four days after we signed the lease on our house, another friend broke the news that she was pregnant. So even in the midst of my excitement for our big change, not 4 days into it, someone else was really getting what I thought I wanted and it took me down again {sorry Al}.

But then, after a few months in our new place, something in me changed. I finally saw a new future for myself and my husband that may not include children and I was okay with it. In the midst of all the not getting pregnant I had a bit of an identity crisis …what was I going to do if I didn’t have kids? …who was I going to be? Because I had thought that was really my only future, I couldn’t see beyond it and I created myself around it …even though it didn’t even exist yet. Once I could see a new future, all the baby-mania melted away and I saw it for what it was worth and it was hard. Watching my friends and family go through 9 months of misery didn’t look fun at all, it looked hard. Getting to squeeze a baby out of my vagina all of a sudden didn’t sound miraculous any more …it sounded hard. And being a mother to a newborn while healing from its body squirming out of my own not to mention the mental side effects and thoughts of postpartum …seem really hard.

My husband and I are in a place where if possible, we would rather not add stress to our lives and being a mom is hard work and stressful. Of course there are rewards, I don’t want to take away from anyone’s choice to be a mother …it was my first choice. But with a clear head I can now say that maybe it’s just not meant for me. Maybe, just maybe things do happen for a reason. And even though I never thought I’d ever have to deal with “infertility”, maybe I needed it to get to the other side guilt-free.

bulldog mothers day card

This morning my husband gave me the prettiest yellow orchids and card above from LeRoy & Bebop, our furry babies and I hugged him and cried …in fact, the tears just came back now as I’m typing this and both dogs awoke from their slumber to look up at me and make sure I was okay. I cried because for the last time I heard that little voice in the back of my head say “you’re not” and it was all okay now because “I am” so many other things.

Thank you my sweet husband for making me feel so special on Mother’s Day …a day I thought I’d never get to be a part of.

I hosted Mother’s Day today. I decided since I was the only one in the family who isn’t a mom, why not give all the mom’s a break and do it all for them. I figured my headspace was capable now when in the past it wasn’t even close. Here’s a few photos from our day . . .

To all the Mamas today, I hope your Mother’s Day was a special one too.

ZGallerie Trio Beverage Dispenser

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LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, and home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life with her husband and adorable dogs, two Frenchies & an old Pug in wheels. Here you will find her talking about their journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation up to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life.

68 Comments

  • ~alison

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I love you!

  • Katie

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I don’t know what to say except I relate to a lot of these feelings. Thanks for sharing them.

  • Iva

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I am so sorry for all the difficult times in your journey. I don’t think every women needs to give birth to be a mother and be honored on ‘Mother’s Day’. I believe that women ‘mother’ many things every day. To be a mother means so many different things to many different people. You are a mother, Maegan, to so many. You mother Le Roy and Bebop, you raise and care for your blog, you mother inspiration in thousands of people every single day…myself hugely included; and every day I visit your blog, and every day, I am honored to ‘know’ you. You mother a smile for me, you have made me tear up, you have made me see things in other ways, you have made me a better person in many ways. Today, I honor you…because you are a mother in so many meanings of the word. You care, you worry, you love unconditionally, you support, you guide, you teach…and you stand up for what you believe in. That is a mother.

    I am so glad you had a nice day today.

    You hosted a lovely Mother’s Day. I hope you have a nice night, and a good start to, tomorrow :)

    Thinking of you today, a lot!

  • Destined For Now

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    You are an inspiring and strong woman.

  • Love~Bre

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thank you for the lovely post, I can’t have children either, not that I want them now at 25 but just knowing that it’s not in in my future makes it harder. I feel the same way about fertility treatments, it’s just not for me. Thanks for sharing :)

  • Carolyn

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I just want to say I’ve been visiting your blog for a while but not commented before because I (confession) felt a little intimidated by your great beauty and creativity. You’re an amazing and inspiring woman. It’s so brave of you to share your inner pain with everyone here and I have such admiration for your courage. When I saw the card your husband had made for you I felt a tug at my heart too…
    I’m so glad you made a special day of mothers day for yourself. And thankyou for sharing your wonderful personality with us every day.

  • Victoria

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    You’re such a sweet and generous person. Thoe photos look great – well done for hosting such a stylish Mother’s Day!

    xoxo

  • Gabby / Gypsy*Diaries

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Hi Maegan, your story really has touched me and I’m tearing up a little myself. :) I can’t even imagine the pain you went through and what it took to have the courage to pull yourself together. You are a true inspiration and role model for many of us. You are loved by so many and you indeed have a wonderful family. I’m really curious to hear more aboutyour future plans and how you imagine your life these days… I hope you’ll share more soon! :)
    … LOVE Gabby :)

    http://gypsy-diaries.blogspot.com

  • Hollywood

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us you are a STRONG woman and very inspiring…

    LOve Chloe.

  • Ana Sloane Street

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    a beautiful pictures!!!

  • Anonymous

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Great, touching post. I can totally understand your feelings because I am going through the same thing. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 7 years now. And we had several treatments over the years. But still I am not ready to give up yet. And this seems to be a big problem that I am not able to resolve. I can’t picture what my future will be like. I only live from month to month, from disappointment to disappointment.
    I am happy that you found a way to master your life without children. I hope I’ll get there too.

  • Tricia

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    What a lovely gift to give to the mothers is your family; I’m sure it wasn’t easy.

  • Marisa

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    You are echoing my thoughts exactly. We’ve been trying for almost a year now – no luck. I know it hasn’t been THAT long, but it really feels like forever. And I thought to myself the other day: What if it’s not meant to be? That I’m not meant to be a mom?

    I can’t face that yet. So I’m still trying and holding on and wishing and waiting. And yesterday was hard for me. So I’m glad that you didn’t go through that again. That you were able to make peace with the probability of childlessness.

  • Nadine

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I’m so pleased you are making it through. I can’t even begin to imagine all you have been through.

  • Amanda

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Great post, Maeg.
    Thanks for sharing, and never holding back, because you are a source of insight for women everywhere…especially THIS woman.
    *Happy [belated] Mother’s Day!

  • ☮ midnightintern ☮

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thanks so much for this post. It’s so true that the only way to live your life is to focus on what you have, and never on what you might/might not be missing.

    There are so many people out there who look to you as a source of inspiration and even for some sort of guidance. In a sense you’re a blogging mama to all of us!

    xo

  • ForDGRedial

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thank you for sharing your journey, it is really inspiring and reassuring to be able to share it as someone who doesn’t really know what her fertility is going to do (I have PCOS).

    Your home is so lovely and you just always seem, to me, to be someone who just radiates warmth and beauty. :O)

    Amy x

  • Anonymous

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Maegan :)
    I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I feel very priveleged to be able to gain an insight into your life – because it’s incredibly easy to forget that others know how you feel. Please know that you are an incredible woman, and that by sharing you are loving. Your mothers day post has been my favourite so far. You are such a strong and capable woman who is truly talented. Thanks so much for providing (however indirect) guidance, for those of us who might need it, through your amazing life and wonderful insights.
    You’ve got it :)

  • holly

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Even as a teen i can appreciate this post so much, if this was not an inspiration to live through the month of exams stress worry and not knowing if it will all be good enough to make the future happen, you have shown me that no matter what happens there’s always a happy ending. An inspiration to so many to live could not have been written so beautifully and honestly. Thank you so much for sharing you truly are a strong role model .
    :) x

  • Lily

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thanks. Its nice to know that you can reconcile your desire with your reality. At 28 I haven’t yet discounted having children, but am not sure its in the cards for me. I have been single for years and am currently watching baby-mania take over my girlfriends. While they continue to say, not to worry it’ll happen. My little voice say what if it doesn’t? Is that okay too? I’m glad there are some out there that say YES, you can be fulfilled and not have kids.

  • ms. less is always more

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I love this post and I love that you are on the “other side” that you see how much you have to offer the world even though motherhood may not be included in that. Because you do!

  • Emily

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Again, you manage to describe something so awful in such a beautiful way. Thank you for your honesty and for inspiring fellow infertiles like me. I know exactly how you feel and am still working to get to that point–the one where I’m OK with the hand I was dealt. If I am honest, I’ll say that I am still wading through the anger, bitterness and feelings of failure. Each and every day, I make being “OK” with this a conscious choice–one that I hope will soon become habit and will eventually become who I am. Thank you, from the bottom of my infertile heart. You are inspiring and beautiful!

  • Anonymous

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Such a sweet and heart-felt post, Maegan. I struggled with infertility for years before undergoing treatments, but I realize it’s not for everyone. It sounds like you are in a really good place now and finally feeling some peace. Thanks for sharing such private emotions.

    Your Mother’s Day party looks lovely. On a shallow note, now, where did you find that awesome 3-tiered water jug. It’s amazing!

    Big (((hugs))) to you again!

  • Celine

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Ah, Maegan, this is a lovely, moving post. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m 29 and a lot of my friends are either pregnant or working on getting pregnant – many of them have had a really hard time with it. My fiance and I are getting married next summer and I often think about whether it’ll be hard for me to get pregnant, what happens if I don’t, etc. Anyway, I think your attitude is beautiful and I wish you lots of happiness :)

    flnw.blogspot.com

  • Anonymous

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    It takes a lot of strength to let go. When we do, we make room for something else to come in. A loving and open heart such as yours, will find alternative ways to nurture. I’m glad you’re finding peace with this and thank you for talking about it. My situation is similar to yours and I think more of us should speak up… I tried like hell, but it didn’t happen for me and I’m ok with it!

  • Charbelle

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I really appreciate your post! It has occurred to me that I may not be able to be a Mom one day to the 2 legged variety. You writing this gave me something important to think about. I would love to know what you fixed for Mother’s Day!!
    Your puppy’s certainly appreciate you as a mom!!!

  • Elle Sees

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    First, I thought of you yesterday, just because I wondered if it would be a hard day to get through. I know it is for me.
    Two, I know you aren’t interested in fertility stuff, but have you gotten everything checked out just to make sure your body is ok? Not for baby-making purposes, just to make sure YOU are fine.
    Third, I JUST saw that 3-tiered drink dispenser @ Z gallerie and wanted one so badly. I was so excited to see it on your page!!

  • leslie

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I am 53, and never had kids. Looking back on my years of longing for a baby, I realize now I was trying to give my life meaning, and drama, and love that it lacked.

    Your post shows your journey to maturity! If you ever do have a baby, you will be a much better mother from where you are now, and will not need the baby to fulfill you or give your life meaning. After all, that’s a huge burden to place on an innocent little soul…
    BRAVO MAEGAN!

  • Erin

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I appriciate you shring all that you have. Im pretty sure everyone goes through life thinking that will never happen to them, me included. But because of you I make sure to remind myself that it may not happen and that will be ok too. THANKS for sharing. You really are a great person! oh yeah and where on earth did you get the 3 tier drink dispenser…i need it!

  • AmyKate

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I know how you feel because we’re in the same boat. Not having kids has opened up other doors for us to pursue other dreams that wouldn’t have been possible if we had children, though. Life is what we make of it, and I plan on making it as exciting as possible.

  • Luca Belotti

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Hey…cool blog!
    Please visit my blog and tell me what you think about. I hope you’ll be one of my followers.

    Bye LB

    http://lucabelotti.blogspot.com

  • Megan Gaines

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I just have to tell you that the artistic gifts that you have given birth to on this blog are amazing and that you share them with the world everyday is something special and to be honored because just like children they keep on giving and make the world a little more beautiful and something to smile about so Happy Mothers Day to you too!!!!!

  • gina

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I’m glad you’re reaching a place of acceptance and happiness in your life’s path. I don’t have children myself, and I don’t want to have children. Growing up, I had an older relative who was married and didn’t have children, and she was quite an inspiration to me in how to live a full, wonderful life. She was also part of what influenced me in my decision not to have children. As an adult, I discovered that she had very much wanted children and suffered through miscarriages and infertility in her early adult life. Discovering this about her was such a shock to me, and made me respect her so much more. She seemed to love her life to much and brought joy to others, that I never would have thought her lifestyle was not her first choice.

  • Patti

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Oh my! What a thoughtful post. And what a beautiful family! Lovely children, lovely adults and a lovely house. By the way I hosted Mother’s Day at my house, too and I made your yogurt pie again. Fabulous! Maegan, I really enjoy reading your blog.

  • StyleFrost

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Hi, I know exactly what you went through as I’m still going through this, I’m not ready to ‘let go’ yet though, but I’m glad you came to a decision you are now happy with! Thanks so much for sharing this! x

  • Ciarra

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thank you for sharing this very personal story with us. I appreciate getting to know you a tad bit better. I, too, have experienced very similar feelings for a long time. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and for about 7 or 8 of those years we have never used protection…with the idea that nature will run its course and whatever happens, happens. All that time, and no babies, still. Now that I’m into my 30′s and Hub-E is getting older, I’m feeling the whole nesting/baby urge thing alot more often. And I struggle with the thought that I might not ever have kids. We’re not into fertility treatments either. So.. who knows. We’ll see. But I just have to try to be content with who I am and the situation we’re in and focus on other things. I guess we’re grateful to have time to ourselves that might otherwise be taken up with child rearing.

  • Caroline, No.

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Yay for you and your clearer headspace. I’m 33 (nearly 34 GAHHH) and child-free through choice. I’ve never seen the appeal, honestly and truthfully, not for one second. Unless an accident happens I think it will stay that why. (I have polycystic ovaries anyway so i think it’d be tricky for me.)

    But whatevs. Enjoy your lie-ins, extra money in your pocket, ability to travel/go to restaurants/do whatever you want whenever you want. I love it, personally. (I love my fur babies, too!)

  • Anonymous

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    WOW!! I just cannot fathom what you have gone through even though I have been married over a year now and still not pregnant. However, I am still believing that God will do the impossible and that is all I put my trust in. Please don’t lose hope but I think also don’t focus too much on it. God will surely provide. God’s blessings Maegan, you are truly an inspiration!

  • Rebecca MacLean

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Proud of you! – Love the pictures

  • mae

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    life’s full of surprises, maegan. I have faith that someday you will have your own bundle of joy. But for now, I ADMIRE that you stood up and look beyond what you thought you would be, and saw another side of your inner self. You are brave for doing so. And as everyone said, you are an inspiring woman. Thank you for sharing!

  • Lila

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    You are such a sweet and thoughtful person. There’s no way that any of my friends without kids would want to be near me on Mother’s Day. What a sweet post!
    Lila Ferraro
    Queen Bedroom Sets

  • Dylana Suarez

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Wonderful and thoughtful post. Hope you had a beautiful mother’s day!

    colormenana.blogspot.com

  • J-Diggety

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Oh Maegan, I got choked up reading this… one, because your husband is so thoughtful for doing that for you, and two, because I’m so happy for you that your heart is happy again… and sometimes doing things for others helps move the healing right along in our hearts :)
    xoxo J

  • The818

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I love you. Thank you for an incredible day yesterday. :) xoxo.

  • Anonymous

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I’m sooooo sorry that you got to think this way. It’s not hard or stressful or miserable or whatever else you’re kidding yourself it may be. Don’t stop trying at any costs. You really don’t know what you’re missing.

  • Anonymous

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Several friends, relatives, and also actresses/celebrities have happily adopted. Just a thought for the future, if you need/want to.

  • Pretty Laundry

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Not only has what you gone through been incredibly difficult, but I think that it’s also very brave of you to share with us — and while it mustn’t be easy to write these posts, I hope you know that we appreciate and love you more for every word! Lots of us (myself included) are in the same position as you, and to have someone be the voice of those thoughts/concerns/emotions that well up is more help than you know!

    Sending lots of warm wishes out your way!!

  • Lilli

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thank you for sharing. I know this must be really hard to write down and then have many people read.

    Your story was very touching. I myself have not gone through this and at 22 I know I am not ready for kids. I do know that one day you will have your bundle of joy but maybe not in the form you expected. Life if full of surprises and we must remember not to overlook the little things.

    You are a strong, wonderful and beautiful woman!

  • Asu

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    I know what you’re going through,because it’s the same I’m going through right now.My husband and I are both 24,so the shock was as big as it could be.You never imagine such a thing at 22.We are now being treated for fertility,but we know already we have to get insemination,it’s our only option.I don’t care,I’m going to do whetever it takes.Unlike you,I can’t live without children.Since I was a child,i’ve always known I was born to be a mom.I’m not let this go,never.
    Kisses.

  • Lorena

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    What a great post.
    I do not have children either. I have two furry babies.
    I do not know what I would do with kids.
    I have no patience.
    Also, do not have a good mom role model so I sometimes think I would be a lousy mom.
    I strongly believe we are not all made out to be mothers.
    My family cannot believe I do not want kids. Maybe I will change my mind later on, maybe not.
    As Thoreau’s quote says
    “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer”
    Hugs

  • Tillie

    May 10, 2010 | Reply

    believe me I know how you feel. I feel like everyone I know is pregnant…people are lapping me in my quest to be pregnant. Every month when AF shows up I feel like I’m not a “real” woman. It pains me. I am glad to say I’m finally relaxing and ok with it not ever happening. I pray it will — but if it doesn’t I’m happy with our life. We’ve been married for over 11 years and I’m perfectly happy just being a furry baby. I am sending you lots of hugs and I hope you know you are not alone…

  • Anna

    May 11, 2010 | Reply

    Women can be mothers in so many other ways. From caring for animals to mentoring a child. Love this post. The cake in your pictures looks delicious!

  • Anonymous

    May 11, 2010 | Reply

    maegan, you are a remarkable woman. the other day i found myself wondering how you were doing with your anxiety and the things you have previously discussed regarding children. i was worried about you, and how you were coping, and it is so, so wonderful to hear you are finding a light at the end of that dark tunnel. i hope you are able to feel the love from all of your readers each and every day of your life. know that you bring us all so much happiness and inspiration with your posts.

  • gigiofca

    May 11, 2010 | Reply

    Iva said it so well. I agree and believe every woman should be celebrated on Mother’s Day. Even so-called bad mothers have their moments of mothering & nurturing. and as you’ve discovered, there are so many things to give birth to.

    Thank you for sharing your story & feelings. I am certain that there are many who will read this and feel comforted, whether they post or not. :-)

  • Vee

    May 11, 2010 | Reply

    Oh Maegan, I’m crying. I’ve never been a baby crazy person, I love them yes, but I never grew up saying I wanted to have them because I wasn’t sure I did. Over the last year I had several weird medical complications…long story short, last month my second doctor told me that I can’t have babies. I’m 29, I didn’t think I wanted them, and for the most part, I’m OK with it. But I wanted it to be my decision, the fact that nature decided against my procreating really hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve cried a lot, I’ve gotten angry at myself a lot and I’ve been sad. But I’m also happy that if I do decide that I want to be a mom, I can adopt. But mostly, I’m still processing it all. It’s weird, it’s tough. It’s not at all what I thought would happen to me. But here I am, and I’m taking it one day at a time.

    Thanks for posting this. You’re amazing.

  • Sasha {Everything Fabulous}

    May 11, 2010 | Reply

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Tamia

    May 11, 2010 | Reply

    There’s WAY too much pressure on women (and men, to a certain extent) to have children. I wonder if that pressure lends itself to the feelings of inadequacy many women experience when they can’t/don’t have kids. It sucks.

    Tamia
    TheStyleSample

  • Mara

    May 11, 2010 | Reply

    I agree that sometimes things do happen for a reason. I’m not sure if I want to have kids one day and it’s because I can’t imagine loving someone other than my husband. As selfish as that is I’m going to love that life of just the two of us (and our dogs!). You are an amazing and inspiring woman and I’m so glad you’re feeling more positive about everything. I can only imagine how tough that pressure is! You are a great mommy to your fur babies and I’m sure you’re a great aunt! You can have fun with them and not worry about dealing with it 24/7! I’m glad you had a nice Mother’s Day!

  • lostinsomniac

    May 12, 2010 | Reply

    I’ve been a quiet reader of your blog for quite a long time now. I know I don’t really know you, and the stuff I do know is what you’ve put into the blogosphere, but I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutely amazing and one hell of a strong woman. I feel like you’re the distant, extremely fashionable big sister I never had. I’m so happy that you’ve started to see the light at the end of a very very dark tunnel (I have been and sometimes still am in a similar tunnel and I know what a dark and scary place it is). Keep your gorgeous chin up and just know we are all cheering for you (some of just just in the shadows).

  • Kris

    May 12, 2010 | Reply

    I’m so glad that you’ve made peace with the situation.

    And Happy Mother’s Day to you! Being a dog mom isn’t easy either and just because you didn’t give birth to them doesn’t make you any less of a mother. My pugs love me unconditionally, which is more than some parents can say about their kids.

    PS- you were blessed with a really great husband. I was too. We’re lucky girls.

  • Jennifer

    May 12, 2010 | Reply

    I’m an avid follower of your blog. It is Wednesday and I’m just now getting to this post. You moved me and tugged at my heart with this one. Thank you for sharing your story and being so brave to share both sides of it.
    You have given me inspiration that I’m not the only one out there struggling with the “what-ifs”, etc.
    Thank you again!

  • Anonymous

    May 12, 2010 | Reply

    Your house looks lovely. I love the kitchen table spread and the lighting in that room is so beautiful! congrats on the house and glad you are enjoying this next stage of your life.

  • EclecticBlue

    May 13, 2010 | Reply

    You really are an amazing woman. My husband and I want to start trying soon but I’ve gone through a lot of “woman issues” over the years and the doctors have already hinted that things might not work out — it’s likely I won’t be able to carry a baby to full term, if I can get pregnant in the first place.

    I’ve shed a lot of tears over it but I, too realize that we can have an amazing life – with or without children. Certain people might look down on this attitude but I don’t think being a mother is the be-all, end-all of life. Being the best, kindest person you can be … finding your own passions in life … there are so many other things that give you worth.

    Hugs to you. You are a strong, beautiful woman!

  • Down and Out Chic

    May 14, 2010 | Reply

    this is exactly why i follow your blog, because you’re honest and genuine. thank you for sharing your words and the sweet photos.

  • Purse Addict

    May 18, 2010 | Reply

    ^^i totally agree

  • Summer {Bisfor...}

    June 8, 2010 | Reply

    thank you for this. i admire you so much.

  • W

    September 19, 2010 | Reply

    I’ve been a daily reader for over a year, but never read this post. The hubbs & I have been trying to get preggo since Feb 2010, with no luck. I’m scared to take it to the next level & see my gyno, but I know I should. I’m mostly afraid that I won’t be able to get preggo & I haven’t been honest w/myself as to how I will cope.
    Your kind, honest words make me realize I can still have a full , rewarding life even if I didn’t have kids.
    I’m going to stop stressing & know if it’s meant to be, it will happen.

  • Jenny Ekberg

    September 16, 2012 | Reply

    I just read this now and I could have written it myself 3 years ago. I know how you feel, so very, very well.
    Love,
    Jen xxx

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