2012. HIGHS & lows. Writing a Book. Pro-blogging.And Finding and Losing myself in the process.

Have you ever “changed” for someone because that’s how you thought they wanted you to be? Well I think I can safely say, that much of my blogging in 2012 reflected just that. It was my first year solely working as a blogger and writer and I’m pretty sure I lost who I was in the interim.

The irony there is that my blog, as cliche as it may sound, was the thing that led me to find who I was again after so many years feeling utterly lost.

But 2012 marked a great number of highs and lows for me professionally, for the husband professionally, and for “us” together as well.

The ball started rolling in June of 2011, when I had given notice to my then boss at the art gallery I’d worked at for over a decade, that I’d be leaving come year’s end. I had been making a relatively stable income from blogging for a few years prior, and decided that I’d finally bite the bullet and focus all my energy on my growing business. I’d had the “self employed” and “freelancer” title on my resume for almost all of my adult life, so the fear and risk that came with the decision was minimal, in that respect.

To my surprise, in October of 2011, I was contacted by an editor at a publishing house, and offered a book deal. Once all the i’s were dotted and t’s crossed, my time instantly became precious and I ended up leaving the art gallery a month earlier than planned to begin my 8 month journey of writing my first book… and blogging daily throughout.

The book wasn’t my idea per se, but I had the knowledge to author it and I was thrilled and terrified to begin actually writing it. With a slew of deadlines ahead of me and only given the tentative title and a slight idea of what direction the book was to head in, I felt an immense amount of pressure to “get it right” and obviously, {hopefully} write a successful book that I was proud of.

My first deadline was a short thirty days after all agreements had been made and contracts signed; I had to send my editor the book’s chapter list and a detailed outline of each as it would read in the book. Once I sent that in, I was paid my first check, one of 3 to simultaneously follow each completed deadline. When I received my first check, it finally, actually felt real. Beyond blogging and internet writing, I was considered a paid writer, and I could officially call myself one {though I still have a difficult time saying it}.

But while I was extremely happy to be a paid writer, I didn’t agree to write a book for the money alone. I did it for the challenge, the excitement, the new life adventure, and the recognition of being a published author {and maybe, hopefully, help a few women as a result}. Still a bit baffled by the whole thing, I reached out to a published author of mystery novels whom I had worked with at the art gallery for some advice, and she assured me that if an editor/publisher had found me and was paying me to write a piece, that it was legit.

My excitement surged, as did my stress.

In the same time period, I was also contacted by a known documentary producer & a writer on a few TV shows who had joined forces and were now working together on a new project they thought I’d be a good fit for. It was a pseudo-reality show in the sense that I would play myself, as would the other two girls who would accompany me on it, but it was more about fashion, DIY, thrifting, and reconstructing garments for guests on the show VS what we do in our “real lives”. So I met with the producers and the other women and the ball started rolling on that as well. I never felt the need to share that here because the “industry” is very fickle. I learned in my days of working as an actor in my late teens and early twenties not to really get excited about anything ever in that arena.

It was December 2011 now, just a few weeks after I turned in my outline for my book and in two weeks more, my first chapter was due in its entirety. It was more of a “sample chapter” though and while I put an extreme amount of pressure on myself to get it done right, I think my editor knew that it was more of a rough draft than an actual “first chapter”. But really, I was winging it because I had no idea how the book-writing process was supposed to flow. I didn’t write a book then try to get it published. I didn’t have a literary agent, a manager, a PR person or anyone else behind me or working with me through it besides my husband.

And 2012 started off with a bang! I had a new job title: Full-time Professional Blogger, Writing her First Book with great new projects in the works. Exciting stuff!

Mid January, I had also accepted a few other writing/blogging/internet positions that would extend through the first two months of the year {mistake No1}, and somehow got lost in the stress of not having enough time to write my book. At the same time, I decided to begin writing posts on my blog occasionally from a different perspective and to go in a more “professional” direction with it {mistake No2}.

My poor poor husband… Jan-March are really my most challenging months of each and every year, regardless of what’s actually going on in my life. I’m not sure why but they prove to be confusing and chaotic and anxiety inducing, filtered with teary-eyed outbursts. To add this new stress at the beginning of what I already know are my worst months, was not entirely the best decision I’ve ever made.

In the midst of writing my book, writing my blog, working for BlogHer, among other blog-related jobs and opportunities that I just couldn’t refuse, I was working on filming a “teaser” and then later, a pilot episode of the TV show for the producers to pitch to networks. While moments of space and time were very fun and exciting, I was so extremely stressed out for the first half of the year, my poor husband must have witnessed mini to major breakdowns at least once a month or more, until our trip to Palm Springs, mid Summer.

My final book deadline of my finished manuscript, was originally set for the end of April, then pushed to May because I had to photograph and re-photograph my body-type models, who were also my friends and family. I had so much fun styling them with clothes from their own closets, simultaneously opening a whole new world of outfits for them to wear, I could have made it a full-time job too.

In May, my final month to finish, I also added a ridiculous amount of pressure by doing my 30 Days 30 Ways to wear Jeans & a White T-shirt challenge. Because when I have an idea, I HAVE TO DO IT NOW and even in the midst of my stress and pressure, I couldn’t let it wait for another month to do it. I had to start RIGHT THEN! {my resolutions post will explain this personality trait a bit}. I knew I would be a maniac during those last few months trying to get everything finished, but to add that on top of my regular daily blog posts was just ridiculous {mistake No3: though it paid off, my blog averaged about 1 million page views that month}.

But the time had come where I had finally finished my manuscript and my photoshoots and my photo edits and I sent everything in to my editor and finally took my first deep breath of the entire year and relaxed. I vowed to take the next month off to just do a lot of nothing {though I still blogged daily & worked for BlogHer} but simply not having the stress of the book over my head was enough to feel like a weight had been lifted and I had a hint of freedom. {And I JUST WROTE A BOOK! I was truly excited about my accomplishment}

* * * SUMMER * * *

The husband and I had been house hunting on and off since 2007, but decided for many reasons, 2012 was our year to buy. However, the real estate available in Los Angeles was still not anything we were interested in sinking all the money we had saved over the previous 5 years in our “house fund” into. We really wanted more bang for our buck and to have some money left over even after putting 20% down on a house. Since I could technically work from anywhere and the husband was heading in a new direction career-wise as well, we decided to start looking outside of LA, within a two hour or less driving distance so we could still get back for work if we needed to. {You can see/read a little bit of our search in my House Hunting posts.}

Since the husband went to college in Vegas and my dad lived in Vegas for a while and our favorite vacation spot is Vegas, it was kind of always on our list, but a bit further than we’d like to go. So first stop on our realistic list was Palm Springs and since I had just finished my book manuscript, and the TV pilot had been shot, it was the perfect time for a little vacay to see if we could handle the desert heat.

Unfortunately, we went during one of the hottest months of the year, July. And though we had a fabulous trip and fell in love with Palm Springs, we realized every second our bodies weren’t contained in an air conditioned room, we weren’t ready for that kind of 122 degree heat… so we got out the kitchen, so to speak.

It was near the middle of July when we returned from our Summer vacation, and I had been emailing back and forth with my editor about extra celebrity style images and image captions and I hadn’t heard back. She had also sent over a few cover options and while we were away, I had a few creative ideas of which direction to go in. She wasn’t one to respond the next day, but after almost a year of working with her, I knew her emailing habits and it seemed like more than a few weeks had gone by without word. I didn’t really think anything of it but as each day passed, I started to feel a pit in my stomach… something just wasn’t right.

On the last day of the month, July 31, 2012 I got this response…

“I want to apologize for my silence lately. I’m sure you’ve been wondering why you haven’t heard from me. I wish I could offer a better explanation than the one I have to give, which is that Rock Your Assets has been put on hold —we won’t be publishing it in the spring as planned. This has no bearing whatsoever on your work, which has been consistently impressive, and the speed with which you did those photo shoots and rewrites was truly incredible. The decision came out of uncertainty that we would be able to differentiate the book enough from magazine and Internet instruction on the subject matter. We have to be certain that our sales team can find the target market—and ensure that it is a large one—and while we felt confident that we could do so a year ago, since then we have had structural changes, and of course publishing in general has changed as well. I do think there is an audience for the book, and I am hopeful that we will find it and, when that happens, schedule a publication date.”

My heart sunk.

all. that. work.

all. that. time.

for nothing.

It took me four days to finally respond to her email and nearly four months to work through my emotions surrounding it. {note: my editor was amazing to work with from beginning to end, and only kind emails followed. I was paid for all of my work, but I felt absolutely torn in half.}

I told everyone. I blogged about it. I spent 8 months of my life researching and writing and editing and photographing and stressing out about it… I couldn’t tell anyone about this news. I felt ashamed. Embarrassed. Like a total failure. Only my husband knew. And even now, only two other people know. Eight months later, I am finally able to share it here. My book may never get published. I guess that just happens.

My husband, a writer as well, reassured me that it was normal and that I was not a complete failure even though every bit of my being felt like I was. He reminded me of all the screenplays written that never actually turn into movies. And even the scripts that are written, only to be handed to another writer entirely to re-write the original idea into a movie. He kept reminding me that I was a paid writer and that this happens all the time. But deep inside I was still embarrassed.

It hit me hard. Looking back, I was depressed for a few months really, ready to cry at the drop of a hat, emotional, and feeling like a complete failure. And then slowly and randomly, our home search resumed and gained my focus, helping me step away from the hit and led us to looking at houses by lakes. I think at least once a month for the entire time I’ve been blogging, I’ve stated in one outfit post or another, how much I hated LA traffic and how I wanted to move to a small town and live on a lake. So we started looking at lake towns just outside of LA, and even though I’d been to Lake Arrowhead and Big Bear and other lakes all over California as a kid, it never really occurred to me that we could actually “live” by one rather than just vacation there.

So we did a few home searches online and fell in love with a house in Lake Arrowhead. Unlike our Palm Springs trip, we actually contacted the realtor this time, set a date, and drove up for a little Summer vacay by the lake. When we met with Keith {our realtor who we ADORE} the following day, we had about 18 houses lined up that we wanted to see. So we hopped in our Prius and followed Keith and is adorable dog Olive in his convertible Mercedes with the top down, up and around the lake and back again, walking into log cabin after log cabin, not totally impressed with what we were seeing. After vetoing the original house we loved, we began to think that maybe this wasn’t going to be the place for us. And then we drove onto the bumpiest road we’d been on all day and about 20 seconds into it, the husband said, Yeah, No. This is not going to work….

But when we pulled up and realized there were two roads leading to this house, the husband opened up to it and then I saw the 1950′s park sized playground and it him me! This was one of the houses that was very low on our list, that I really didn’t want to see because I hated the way the exterior looked. As I reluctantly walked in, we both looked at each other saying well yeah, this could definitely work. And that was before we had even gone upstairs. We both agreed on everything in this house but had at least 7 more houses on our list to see. Hopeful, back in the car we went, but as we looked at each of the following homes, neither of us could get “this one” out of our heads, comparing each to it. We asked Keith to take us back one final time before sunset at the end of our day just to get another look at it.

At dusk, we said our goodbye’s and went back to our hotel suite, sat on our balcony overlooking the lake, and couldn’t think of one good reason not to buy this house. {see our vacation photos here}

Even though it was not an optimal time to buy, right around the holidays, the husband had given his 6 month notice at his establishment {which meant handing over his part of the business} in June as I had the year before, saying he’d be done by the end of the year. He would finally get to begin his journey as a full-time screenwriter in 2013 but this also meant that he’d be off of payroll and that banks wouldn’t give us a home loan, even if we had 40% as a down. In other words, we had to buy now or sit on our savings for another 2-4 years.

We added another day onto our vacation trip hoping it would help us decide. But really, we knew in our hearts what we were going to do. The following day, before leaving the mountain, we stopped by Keith’s office and signed all the paperwork just in case we decided to do it, it would be done… and an hour and a half later, when we arrived back in our house in Sherman Oaks, we texted him to put in the offer on the house.

This was October 1st, about a month after I had been completely let down about my book and it gave me new focus. Once they accepted our offer and escrow began, anyone who’s purchased a house {especially in these crazy times where any little thing could keep you from getting a loan} knows just how stressful and exciting the journey is. By November 15th, we had driven up and down the mountain at least 4 times and finally went to sign the papers and get our keys. We bought our first house… up a mountain, in the middle of the woods, by a lake, and we were in love.

signing escrow documents

* * * CUT TO NOW * * *

As we are settling nicely into our new life, I find myself more introspective than usual, which is confusing but exciting as well. This usually means a growth and awakening is in my near future, and I’m so ready for that. And I think I’m finally feeling like myself again as far as blogging is concerned. Something strange happens when you begin to gain a following; you become more protective of your vulnerability, build walls to fend off mean comments, and hide behind what society says you should be. And that’s not me. Combined with the “professional” road I was successfully failing at, turned my blog into something that wasn’t mine, but what I thought it was supposed to be. I removed my own personality almost entirely fearing judgement from trolls. I was creating posts and DIYs with everyone else in mind instead of what I wanted to do and even bored myself.

The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. ~ Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli

It didn’t need to be more “professional” just because I was a “pro” blogger. It needed to be more “me” because it was and is “mine”, and that’s what makes it special. It’s my perspective I’m interested in writing about, not what’s already posted and published elsewhere on this vast internet.

It took me a while to even realize I was going about it the wrong way and I have to admit that I’m starting to finally feel “at home” again here in this space. This post is about 50000 words longer than I originally intended, but I think it’s time I brought a little bit of myself back here in writing rather than just photos for a change… because it actually feels refreshing again.

Still no real news on the TV show or the book… but I’ll keep you posted from now on.

* FACEBOOK * TWITTER * BLOGLOVIN’ *

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, and home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life with her husband and adorable dogs, two Frenchies & an old Pug in wheels. Here you will find her talking about their journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation up to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life.

38 Comments

  • estroJen

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Thanks for this read. I’ve been following your blog for a long time and you are a great role model. I have so many ideas for my blog but always shy away because (now I realize) I think about everyone else instead of myself. Even though my little blog is like .00001% of what your blog is I am glad that I can relate to you and it motivates me to be more free and just post. Thanks again, I think you are doing a fabulous job. You are one of my favorite bloggers.

    Have a blessed day,

    estroJEN

  • Emma Finlayson

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Thanks for sharing. I hope that the book gets published- I was so excited to buy it. Regarding the TV show, I work in film and I also know the feeling about never getting excited about something until the ink on the contract is dry and a shoot date is firm!
    Just keep doing what you are doing- that is why we all come here every day!

  • Anonymous

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    I’m another long time reader who never comments, but felt that maybe now might be the time you need to hear the words– Your blog is one of the first I turn to for my daily viewings because of your willingness to go to the “not always happy places”. Not to disparage other bloggers work, but your approach to sharing the ups and downs is not only refreshing, but unique in that it doesn’t pretend we live in shangri-la. It sounds like your readers have a lot to look forward to in the upcoming months!

  • Kres

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    I am a long time reader, but never really comment. I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog, and always find myself inspired by your outfits/DIYs/etc. My sister and I constantly bond over your posts, and we sometimes refer to you as our much cooler, older sister. Thanks for letting us into your world, and I look forward to seeing what you do next.

  • KaH

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Such a great post, Maegan. When I started reading your blog, many years ago, I was amazed by you and continue to be. I always loved that you wrote what you feeling/worrying about and it always inspired when I worried being to personal with mine (and with a lot less followers). Glad you are getting on with it and ready for the next chapter, so to speak.

  • Ashe @ Ash in Fashion

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    “Something strange happens when you begin to gain a following; you become more protective of your vulnerability, build walls to fend off mean comments, and hide behind what society says you should be. And that’s not me. Combined with the “professional” road I was successfully failing at, turned my blog into something that wasn’t mine, but what I thought it was supposed to be. I removed my own personality almost entirely fearing judgement from trolls. I was creating posts and DIYs with everyone else in mind instead of what I wanted to do and even bored myself. “

    I empathize all too much with this! Thank you for sharing the tumultuous journey you’ve had this year– it’s inspiring, heartfelt, terrifying, and very relatable for so many of us.

  • Audra

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Yea! Go girl – I actually had a thought about this, (momentarily) a few months ago… like things didn’t seem right for some reason. I’m glad you’re figuring things out, and moving forward in a positive way. God knows we never stop learning lessons, and learning about ourselves.
    Good for you!
    Audra @ http://audrasally.blogspot.com

  • luckylass

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Thanks you for sharing your journey. It is one of the reasons I have faithfully read your blog over the years. I love that you share the good with that bad.

    I have always rooted for your career, knowing that it could impact the daily entertainment you provide me. And honestly, it did. I never commented on it, but recently a series of odd posts that were more commercials more than anything made me question whether I should continue to follow the blog. But I recognize that blogs evolve and readers don’t have to.

    But, I can tell you that I am glad you are feeling more confident to be yourself and share what YOU like to share. It is why I am here day after day.

    I am hoping that the book and series work out for you. You have a lot of knowledge to share with the world.

  • Brandy Saldana

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    this is an amazing post! I can relate to your struggles on a smaller scale. I have had breakdowns and debated if I am writing for myself or just to please others.

    This post is definitely an inspiration and even though your book didn’t go through, maybe something else will come along that will be greater.

    Congrats on the new house!

    Brandy
    willbakeforshoes.com

  • Paula Shoe-fiend

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    I only came to your blog in 2012 but I really admire what you do – you say your blog became less about what you wanted and more what others wanted – BUT it still seemed unique and engaging because you lent your amazing personality to it! You still shone through. So keep doiung what you want and we (your followers) will read it – because we engage with Maegan!!!

    ♥ Paula Shoe Fiend.
    http://shoe-fiend.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Anonymous

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Sometimes we all need to just sit down, reflect, write, summarize, and share the many things in our lives that we think about and feel every day. We feel a lot better about ourselves, and sharing always brings a bit of reflection and inspiration to those around us.

  • thankfifi

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Good to have you back. Although likely you’ll notice much moe than us that you’re being ‘you’ again. I know what you mean about the pressure to please – what we have to remember is that readers read in the first place because we are being ourselves. I always feel pressure to write a ‘proper’ post when it’s for a brand, etc. when in reality it should be no different.
    Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your journey – I follow you on Instagram and it seems you have found much happiness by the lake, long make that peace continue.x

    Thankfifi

  • Love + Marriage

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    I’ve been waiting for this post! I’m a long time reader and I hope it’s okay to say that I’ve been a little bummed out. I missed you! It seemed like it happened when you quit the gallery to blog full time and I thought it was tied to just trying to make money but now I see that there was MUCH more going on. Honestly, you still made it look effortless, it just felt like *something* was missing. It was even hard to put a finger on. Intermittently you would have more personal posts which I loved and I would never have stopped following you but I was just a little sad. I’d see your outfit posts without a song lyric title and would be like “WHAT is going on?” :)
    I really appreciate that you are self aware enough to notice it and to share your thought process with us. I feel your pain over the book and am disappointed too. I can’t even imagine writing a book!
    So anyway, just wanted to send my love and tell you it’s nice to have YOU back. XOXO

  • Kara

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    It’s funny…I think I found your blog about a year ago, maybe more. I can’t remember how, but isn’t that how it always goes? In any event, I loved it so much that I went back and read every post from the beginning, in sequence, until I was current again and I’ve been a faithful reader and fan ever since.

    Still, somewhere along the line, I definitely started to notice a change. I couldn’t really put my finger on it and I suppose it was so subtle I didn’t put too much thought into it at the time because I was still absolutely enjoying everything you were sharing. Now, in light of this post, it all definitely makes more sense that there was definitely less “Maegan” in your blog content during that time.

    Like everything else in life, change and evolution is inevitable and necessary, and blogging is no exception to that. But, I think it’s important for you know that you being you is what brought your readers here and it is you that made your blog the success that it is :-)

  • GRIT AND GLAMOUR

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    Maegan, I rarely “read” most fashion/lifestyle blog posts from beginning to end, because frankly, most lack true storytelling ability — and a compelling, vulnerable, creative, adorable, and REAL star. But your posts are anything but lacking…I always find myself wholly drawn in, and being a paid writer myself, and a pedantic, picky little thing, that’s no small achievement. I don’t spend a lot of time commenting on other blogs any more, either. I have to be judicious with my time, so it’s the ladies who pour their hearts out and are authentic and funny that I prefer to spend my free time with. You’re all that, lady! F the haters and trolls! They’re just jealous. Whatevs.

    I am sooooo glad that you have found that just being YOU really is the key to success in this medium. Not like I’m some super famous blogger, but I’ve been around, and you have all that and then some, so just be you. Even if your book didn’t get published (I feel you on that), the takeaway is that YOU ARE THAT GOOD that someone wanted to publish your words! You will get published in book form one day. Now that you are settled in at the lake, you can ponder how to make that happen if it’s something you really want.

    Not many people can make a sustained, legit living by blogging. That takes organization, talent, discipline, and balls. Keep your eye on the prize, and good luck to your hubby as he chases his dream full-time too.

    Looking forward to more 5000-words-too-long posts from you. They’re truly some of your very best.

    :) Happy spring!

  • KezUnprepared

    March 26, 2013 | Reply

    What a lovely, brave, honest post. I can see how it would be easy to lose yourself under all that pressure. I love seeing an insight into YOU. Don’t lose that x

  • Anonymous

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    YEAH!!!!! BTW, you’re one of very few writers that can make a long post riveting. When you let us in to ‘you’, it’s wonderful – it’s what makes me read this blog even though I have no interest in fashion, or beauty per se;) I love, Love Maegan!

  • Andi of My Beautiful Adventures

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Oh my heart is broken for you and your loss! This happened to me in 2012 with a travel TV show that I was going to host. I wanted to hide in a cave after I realized it was never going to happen and I had told the world about it. But, when one door closes, another opens…your house is SO much better than a book!!!

  • Anonymous

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Such a refreshing read… Im so sick of my favorite bloggers changing completely as they get bigger and more $ for their sponsored posts. Its like the most random things they would never actually like then you see at the bottom its sponsored. You are real and cool and vulnerability is more beautiful than any “celine” bag or whatever these fashion bloggers constantly show off in their OOTD posts.

  • Holly

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    i cant believe what a rollercoaster you have been on lately. im so sorry about the emotion-messing news about your book and tv show. i really really hope they go through! i want to see what youve worked so hard on. your readers love you!
    xo

  • Becky

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Maegan, I’m so relieved to read this post. Thank you for sharing it. I have to admit that I went from checking your blog daily to checking it rarely. In the past year or so, I hadn’t found it engaging in the same way it was before, and I think it was because it became something bigger and alien from you. I’m looking forward to having you back. You were missed.

  • Tiffany Hobbs

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    All of what everyone else said! Thankfully twitter filled in where your blog has lacjed these last months. Welcome back, Maegan! Xoxo.. Tiffany

  • Tiffany Hobbs

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    *lacked (typing through tired eyes lol)

    Annnnd.. By lacked, I mean, stifled YOU. You, and all of your intricacies make this blog an ongoing lifestyle piece, and not just a trendy fad. Ive been reading for years, and I look forward to many more, especially your posts on motherhood, as I believe that’s coming for you! We all do! Xo

  • Michelle J. aus L.-Kgh.

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Maegan, thank you for this post!
    I just HAVE TO hook up with the others: I missed you. I read your blog for maybe 2 years and the last posts wasn’t you.
    I hope so so so much that your book will be published anytime. I HAVE to buy it!

    But Maegan, whatever comes… you’ll make it! I’m sure about this! :o)

    Sending you lovely greetings from a big German fan,
    Michelle

  • Kasia

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    So amazing to read a post from the heart. Thank you for sharing and know that your readers will be here no matter what. I think connecting with an audience so large is a difficult task to say the least and this kind of post is EXACTLY what blogging is about: well written, poignant and most importantly honest. You’ve done a great job so far and I have no doubt you will continue to do so in the future!

    xoxo, kasia

  • Lang

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Ok, this is kind of off-topic, but would you consider writing a post on romantic relationships? I remember reading once that you were engaged to someone who totally wasn’t right for you, and so many of us are, or were, in such a predicament. I know now you are with the person you should be with, and I think your perspective on the matter could help some of us who haven’t been so fortunate yet…

  • oneoff

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    I came here from Allie’s and wanted to say thanks for such a searingly honest post. (And just think of all the reading I can now do here!) Wishing you all the best in the new house, which sounds wonderful.

  • Nancy

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Hi Maegan

    I am so sorry about your book.Is there anyway to purchase it back and publish it as an e-book?

    As everyone above has said we love when you do more personal posts, they are the best. So when you are up to it say something controversial and rile the trolls into a frenzy!

    All the best Maegan.

  • Jamie

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    All I can say is thank you for sharing this. My favorite posts are ones where you really share yourself, and as readers we appreciate hearing you. I’m sorry to hear about your book and I could only imagine the devastation (I’d feel the same way!!), but good things are on the horizon, I’m sure of it!

  • JoDi

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Wow Maegan, I am so sorry about your book! I was really looking forward to buying it. I used to read several fashion/style blogs, but yours is the only one I still read, and that’s partly because I like you. My clothing style is not even similar to yours, but you give me ideas and spark creativity, and you’re just a lovely person inside and out. I enjoy seeing little snippets of your life, your darling niece, the big move you just made, and how it’s all working out.

    What I’m most excited about is seeing that TV show become a reality! The book was exciting, but when you mentioned the idea for the show, I was ready to set my DVR to record every episode!! As a HUGE fan of Project Runway, What Not to Wear, etc. your show would be an instant favorite! I SO HOPE it gets made!

  • jennyonthespot

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    Maegan. Bless you my friend… Thank you for sharing your heart, your journey. I 100% agree… the part about this being more about you… All of us in this field can learn a lot from your revelation. I love your heart…

  • Debra Kay

    March 27, 2013 | Reply

    This was a fantastic read. The honesty was so refreshing and the whole time I thought to myself “you go girl!”
    I’m sorry to hear about the book as I’m sure it was incredibly disappointing. Keep your head up because I’m sure it’ll happen for you.
    Thanks for sharing some very personal things. So many of us can looks at this and learn from it or sympathize with you. We can all take something from it.

    Cheers Maegan!
    xoxo
    Debra
    http://www.etsy.com/shop/summerbucket

  • Carla

    March 28, 2013 | Reply

    Maegan, thank you so much for this post! Wow, I can’t even begin to imagine the pressure you were under! I have to apologize for asking you on numerous occasions regarding the book’s launch. I had no idea this was happening! I can tell you that i’m a HUGE fan and I am also a firm believer in the laws of attractions! Channel your thoughts in a positive direction regarding your book and it WILL happen! And when it does, i’ll be the first in line to purchase! Keep up the great work that you do… you inspire me every day! It is because of you… that I FOUND MY DREAM! I’m now a beauty blogger for over a year and am in the middle of a major project right now! Thank you Maegan… thank you! xoxo Carla

    http://www.fashionmavenmommy.com

  • Tirzah

    March 28, 2013 | Reply

    LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!! Sending you so much LOVE Maegan! Thank you for this wonderful, heartfelt post. You know that you have so many people who love you so much because of your HEART that you have shared here on this blog. All your fashion advice and DIYs are wonderful but it is what it is because of YOUR HEART! LOVE YOU!!!

    Tirzah

  • Anonymous

    March 28, 2013 | Reply

    {quote from T.S. Eliot}

    We shall not cease from exploring
    And at the end of our exploration
    We will return to where we started
    And know the place for the first time.

    <3 jba

  • lily0182

    March 29, 2013 | Reply

    I have never commented on your blog before, but here I go… I have been faithfully following your blog since mid-2008. I am not a girly-girl, not super into clothes and makeup. But I do like you. I like who you are, I like your perspective, I like your style. And let me also say that I am so proud of you for baring your soul like you do and have so many times. Bravo! I look forward to more of the content that kept me coming back all those years ago.

  • Shybiker

    March 31, 2013 | Reply

    Wow. What a story. Thanks for sharing. As consolation, I hope you realize the nature of book-publishing has changed dramatically in the recent past. Now, few books make money so to justify publishing one, it needs a viable pre-publishing marketing plan.

    I find your blog intriguing. You write lucidly and with candor. Perhaps too much candor for some. We can’t control how the public responds to our work when we put it out on the Internet, so you’ll likely to attract some negativity, but that shouldn’t discourage you from speaking your mind. There’s a catharsis in doing that. On my blog, I experiment with displaying extremely unconventional content and, in three years, have had much fewer attacks than I expected. And the effort has been very fulfilling for me. So I urge you to continue expressing yourself in the way you do.

  • A.Co

    April 5, 2013 | Reply

    WOW!! I read every single word of this and just gobbled it up.

    I love reading about you, your life and just, ‘being kept posted’, so to speak. You’re such an inspiration and I LOVE your blog.

    I’m so sad to hear about your book, I was so looking forward to purchasing a copy. Thank you for sharing your trials and triumphs with us, I wish I could give you a BIG HUG over that, but I’m glad you’re doing better and were finally able to share this with us :)

    So glad your new home has brought happiness and life back into your soul, you deserve it!!

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