Frequencies so Low… Heart on a String…

black-and-leopard-print

What I’m Wearing…

* Velvet burnout bodysuit by Free People
* Black jeans by FRAME
* Vintage leopard coat {made by my grandma}
* Sunglasses by 3.1 Phillip Lim
* Boots by Rag and Bone… on high rotation at the moment
* Vintage Chanel bag {There’s a pink one available via What Goes Around Comes Around – seen in the shopping widget at the bottom of the post}

I don’t know why, but these photos look like the morning after, walk of shame to me, lol… they’re not, I assure you, but I think it’s the messy hair + the outfit that’s making me see them as such. I actually wore it with a leather jacket, but I’ve been wearing so much black on the blog lately, I thought I’d mix it up with the leopard.

* Title: Justin Timberlake – Blue Ocean Floorif my red eyes don’t see you anymore… and I can’t hear you through the white noise… just send your heartbeat, I’ll go.. to the blue ocean floor, where they find us no more, on the blue ocean floor

I watched the Timberlake concert on Netflix the other night during a crazy thunder and rain storm and played it as loud as I could to drown out the sound of massive thunder and lightening that felt like it was literally right above my house, ready to strike me down at any point. The show was great, as you only expect from Timberlake, and it reminded me of the few times I saw him in concert years and years ago, and then of this song from where I pulled my title, my favorite from the 20/20 Experience, and it made me completely forget about the chaos of the storm outside.

When my husband left in April, I had no real worries about the Summer, but I did think about the Winter months with a little fear and hesitation, wondering how I’d handle it on my own. Living in a land with real seasons is magical, to say the least, but growing up in LA doesn’t prepare you for it, and I worried and hoped I’d be strong enough to brave it alone.

Learning to live by yourself and be alone so much after living with else someone for almost your entire adult life, is definitely a journey of ups and downs. As much as I love my alone time, when you also work from home, and are alone, alone, alone, it’s not as easy as you think it may be to just be alone.

I always imagined I’d get so much done… and I do, but not as much as I thought. I spend a lot of time thinking and a lot of time writing, and sometimes in the spaces in between, I just pace. I see a few people during the week, more now than in ages actually, and get out to walk and run errands, but really only give myself two nights and only about half a day off from working.

It’s not that I’m ready to share my living space with another person again, because I’m not. In fact, I cringe a little at the thought because I still am figuring it all out and that may just put a halt to all of that, and I’m not interested in stalling my own evolution as a human any time soon. I know that sounds funny, but I think I feel like I can’t be “me” when I live with someone -not a roommate, but in a relationship, and maybe it’s because in the past I wasn’t really sure who I was when I got into those relationships and moved in together and learned to live “their” life instead of mine.

So needless to say, I’m still figuring it all out, and am looking forward to the Winter months ahead, knowing I’ll feel stronger come Spring, and proud I managed to do it all on my own… well, and maybe with a little help from Justin 😉

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Shop my look below…

Happy Hump Day Lovecats!

* Find all my Style Posts here

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

3 Comments

  • RedSportsCar

    October 26, 2016 |

    I live alone and work at home part of the time as well, and as someone who tends to have some anxiety issues from time to time, that can be a real disadvantage as it tends to encourage those circular, repetitive thoughts (often negative) that are tougher to break when you don’t have external distractions and personal interactions.

    But there are advantages too, so I try and think about the positive parts of it and work at keeping a social calendar, time at the gym, etc. Music helps me a lot too.

  • Kryslin Weston

    October 26, 2016 |

    Your posts are always close to home Maegan but this one especially. I just broke up with my partner of almost 4 years and these last few weeks alone in the 2 bedroom – 2 story apartment has been tough. I love the space but also feel lost and lonely in it. I’m now completely broke because of it and although people keep saying take a roommate or do an Airbnb thing, I just don’t want to. I feel like I’m too old for that crap now – I’m not in college lol.
    I busy myself and try to find my way through it but ultimately this is and will be happiness for me while I let the dust settle and like you discover more of myself and who I am in my own skin and in my own life.

    • Maegan Tintari

      October 27, 2016 |

      First, I’m sorry to hear about your situation, no matter what, breakups are difficult… I hope you find peace with it and within yourself soon. The first few months we the hardest for me, DEFINITELY, if not the first few weeks. I had scheduled my days a certain way and had found hours open that I used to spend with my husband… those were the hardest to fill. I decided to dedicate that time to “Me” and read the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron http://amzn.to/2dPQV7U and it was immensely helpful… then I colored in those adult coloring books, and soon, that time was “mine” and I got more and more creative with it. Give yourself the time and space to heal and open yourself to new possibilities and new forms of income and opportunities will come your way. If you want to stay in your place, do everything to make it happen and you will 🙂 <3 xoxo