Roses Turn Into Dust

What I’m Wearing…

* Mock neck bodysuit by Commando
* Boyfriend jeans by Blank Denim… and actually, I think these were supposed to be skinny jeans, but I bought them a few sizes too big so they’d fit like this.
* Bomber jacket
* Sunglasses by Ferragamo
* Mini Rockie bag by Alexander Wang
* Boots by Rag & Bone

* Lips by Lancome in Absolute Rouge

* Title: Future – Selfish ft. RihannaBroken lies… Driving backwards… Making all the wrong turns… Saying all the wrong words… Dodging angels… Wrong is right… When it comes to us… Empty thoughts fill the room… Breathe for me and I’ll breathe for you

Feeling so busy at the moment that I’m not taking time to reflect or stay aware in the moment… which is a weird concept because, really, when you find yourself too busy to think, you most probably are living in the moment, you’re just not aware of it, which is a good thing sometimes.

I wanted to be busy, I wanted to get out of my head and away from the stress of dealing with divorce and the inherent changes that come with it. As much as I love change and new adventures, it’s so damn difficult to actually process the realness of it all that throwing myself into a project was the only way I could exist with it instead of be broken by it.

But broken I am… whether I’m dealing with it or not. It’s there. It’s beneath everything. And I find that when I’m asked about it, I either get anxious or start to cry, and both emotions surprise me in the moment and remind me of how angry and hurt I am and how painful it all is.

You don’t choose to uproot your entire life because you’re happy. You choose it because you’re heartbroken and full of regret and can’t help but think that if you spend the next ten years in the same situation, you’ll be even more heartbroken and find yourself with even more regret. You choose it because you know nothing will ever change if you don’t and you choose it because you deserve to be happy and the hope that happiness is an option is a big motivator.

Time has passed at a speed I cannot even fathom. How is it March? How is it almost a year since April? How have I managed to make it through all these months without crippling under the immense pain, sorrow, confusion, and fear? It feels like yesterday. It feels like no time has passed at all and sometimes it feels like I’ll never be able to climb out of the feeling of being wronged and then accused of throwing it all away. It’s funny how in the end, the person who does the choosing is the one who is blamed for the ending of a relationship. But I can assure you that no one has ever chosen to end a relationship in which they are happy. It’s just not the way it works.

bomber jacket_boyfriend jeans

Happy Tuesday Lovecats!

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Profile photo of Maegan Tintari

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

3 Comments

  • Liv

    February 28, 2017 | Reply

    Love the distressed jeans!

    Liv

    livforstyle.net

  • RedSportsCar

    February 28, 2017 | Reply

    Great contrast in those last two pics… the first, downward-cast, inward-focused, arms braced as if to ward off the bitter windy chill of the outside world. The last: Still no smile, but outward-focused, stronger and more confident. Bring it on.

  • MA

    February 28, 2017 | Reply

    Life is funny, so many ups and downs..you have come through this past year quite well, so much to look forward to. Love the outfit! x

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