#MondayMotivation // Trust Your Struggle

trust your struggle

I began writing a #MondayMotivation post but couldn’t get motivated. Even I need inspiration now and again and though I did watch a few thrilling TedX talks to help motivate, everything I wrote just sounded contrived and even forced.

I’m so inconsistent lately, and I hate it. Overwhelmed by the scale of some things, underwhelmed by the scale of others, and oftentimes too busy to prioritize the things I love the most, including writing and sharing here. And then sometimes the over and under whelm is so strong, I just shut down and need a reboot.

I tell you, when my head is in a fog, I drop the things that help me the most like eating well, sleeping well, writing, getting creative, working, meditating, stretching, walking, ALL OF IT. All the good stuff I love so much, the self care goes out the window and my dark rebellious side knocks on the door and I let her in. I don’t like her, but I love her; we have a love/hate relationship.

I only allow her to stay for a few days before I get fed up and kick her out, usually with a burst of determination and to-do lists ready to be checked off. Lately though, my aggressive motivation and passion for doing all the things has a much shorter life span than in the past … but Why?

* Is it a confidence thing?
* Is it an identity thing?
* Is it truly that I just can’t do ALL THE THINGS, thing?
* Is my capacity to run the inner workings of a bar/restaurant AND blog everyday AND create content AND do all the social media just too much to ask one person? (I cannot answer this with a YES, even if it’s true, I cannot admit it).
Is it just that I don’t have the passion that I once did to fuel the hours of work it takes to accomplish all the things anymore?
* Did I get let down by high expectations?
* Am I living in the past?
* Am I confused about my future?
* Am I depressed?
* Am I struggling more than I think I am?
* Am I focusing my energy in the wrong direction?
* Am I not prioritizing my time as I used to?
* Am I just burnt out?
* Is that a real thing?

I . DON’T . KNOW .

Is it D. All of the above?

Maybe.

A few things I do know…

1. As soon as I feel a little certainty, maybe even possibly a little settled, all shit breaks loose …(is that the right terminology?)

2. As soon as I think I’ve got a handle on it (it being anything) I sure as shit realize that I do not have any handles.

3. Things in business are going quite well – or should I say, well enough, because it’s scary to say and hard to tell when all the other things have seemingly gone to shit in a hand basket (is it hell in a handbasekt?)

4. I’m definitely not getting any of these sayings correct, BUT it’s making me giggle, so that’s a bonus.

5. I oftentimes take life far too seriously, get caught up in shoulds and what’s right and being responsible or scared I’m not being responsible and completely forget to have any fun… because fun would equally mean “irresponsible” when I fear I’m not living up to my potential. Make sense? Cool.

6. I have a billion things to sell (including but not limited to my now ex-husband’s entire existence of shit he left behind nearly 3 years ago now) I simply DO NOT want to do it. But I have to. But I don’t want to… but I have to.

6. B. I also have a shit load of stuff from my own collection and closet to sell but I don’t want to do that either … it’s just all so much work to photograph and list and write up and answer questions and then ship and then feedback, it’s just so much extra work I want to hire someone to do it, but I also don’t want to hire someone. You see my dilemma?

7. Other than the cold I’ve had for nearly a month, I’m healthy (I hope) and my dogs are too (I hope).

8. I’m afraid to say anything is that great because I have a major fear that once I declare anything IS – it immediately ISN’T.

9. I watched the entire first season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and it’s fantastic. If you’re a woman, watch it. If you’re a man, you’ll probably find zero interest in it. I think I’ll watch it again… it’s inspiring. and well written, well acted, funny, and consistently great. and the [email protected]

10. Despite my sarcastic attitude (at the moment) I am extremely grateful for all the things, even the not so good ones, because I know that I have to trust my struggle, even when I don’t understand it, because good things come from it.

One thing I do know for sure (but oftentimes need a reminder myself) and I know it’s cliche but trust your struggle. In retrospect you’ll see the truth. Why not at least learn to lean on it now and go with the flow? I’m not sure… but I think it could make everything a little easier. #perspective #notetoself #imfeelingbetteralready #nowifIcouldjustbeCONSISTENT

Happy Monday Lovecats!

* Find all my #MondayMotivation posts
* Image via OneOfAKind.life

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

9 Comments

  • Anni

    November 19, 2018 | Reply

    Hi Maegan,
    I can totally understand your problem. Kind of funny because my behaviour in situations like yours is nearly the same.
    To Point 5: I feel you!!! But it’s absolute neccessary to have fun in such situations. Please HAVE FUN
    Point 6: See Point 5. Grab your best friend and take the photos of all the stuff (particularly from the shit of you ex) together. Have a glass (or two or three) of wine along the way and HAVE FUN.
    Concerning the regular (or not so regular) posts on your blog: I love (and I believe many others do so as well) to read your thoughts and ideas, even if it’s once in a while. Don’t put to much stress on yourself about that.
    Biiig hug coming from Germany!

    • Maegan Tintari

      November 19, 2018 | Reply

      I love this. And it’s right on. If I am going to do it, I should have some fun while I do. Thank you 🙂 <3

  • Nola Rice

    November 19, 2018 | Reply

    Hire someone to help or do the shit sale. It will be worth it to your sanity to have someone not invested to dig through the past.

    • Maegan Tintari

      November 19, 2018 | Reply

      So smart. I want to … part of me is like JUST EFFING DO IT… and then I walk up there, take one look at all the shit, and say NOPE, lol walk away. I should hire someone.

  • michelle

    November 19, 2018 | Reply

    I can’t even comment to everything you wrote because I’m going through the same shit and I’m just trying to ignore everything hoping it goes away. My talent is pretending everything is okay even when I’m a fucking mess on the inside but ANY WAY. I had to comment on Marvelous Mrs. Mavel….it’s one of my favorite shows and I die for every single thing they are wearing each show. I’m dying for the next seasons…have you tried Frankie and Grace? Mozart in the Jungle? [email protected]

    • Maegan Tintari

      November 19, 2018 | Reply

      Yes… I too have been just hoping it would all go away – it hasn’t worked yet :/ lol. Hope you’re doing okay xox <3 And YES! MR.s Maisel! I can't wait for next season!!!

  • RedSportsCar

    November 19, 2018 | Reply

    The overarching theme of this post is…shit. And sometimes that sort of sarcastic, inconsistent, very HUMAN type of feeling and post is as honest as it gets. Life sure can be messy, can’t it??

  • Fabiana de Souza

    November 21, 2018 | Reply

    While reading, I was like “Oh my God, is she talking about my life right now??”. (excluding ex-husband and dogs). Thanks Maegan for putting that in words!

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