When I Call, you Never Seem to Be Home

What I’m Wearing…

* Vintage black faux fur coat (was my grandmas – from the ’60s)
* DIY pink Victorian Scarf (from 2009 – this is the smaller one I made)
* Old boyfriend jeans by AG
* Lieutenant’s cap by Hat Attack
* Leopard print bag by Lauren Merkin
* Black DIY Open Back Sweater
* DIY Gucci Slippers

Wearing all the DIYs in this look!

* Title: Adele – Hello …They say that time’s supposed to heal ya… But I ain’t done much healing (more below)

I have this theory that Adele’s song “Hello” is actually a note to her younger self from her older self. It’s how I see it… it’s sad and happy but less about a relationship with a man (or partner) and more about a relationship with her “self”.

LYRICS

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything

They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing

Hello, can you hear me
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be

When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

Hello, how are you?
It’s so typical of me to talk about myself I’m sorry
I hope that you’re well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened

It’s no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

So hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

Listen to it and hear it from your perspective… from you now (after accomplishing dreams, or not, being true to yourself, or not) to the you you were… because before we became who we are now, we had thoughts about who we wanted to be and what we wanted to do and those thoughts forced us to move into life in certain ways and those choices we made in our past make up our present existence.

It’s the regret, the doubt, the pain AND the positive experiences we’ve been through in the past that shape who we are now. Sometimes it’s hard to stop living in the past and actually leap into the future, get on the path to becoming the future self we want to be, making choices to change our reality… when sometimes it’s easier to hang onto the sad story, to retell all the horrible past events and relive them time and time again and to stay stuck in “who we were” forever. But what about who we want to be? Living in the past will never get us to the people we actually want to be, it just doesn’t work that way, and oftentimes if we don’t make the choice for ourselves, life makes the choice for us, and it doesn’t turn out as we had hoped… and then we blame.

I fall victim to it too… I fear I am swirling in it currently; scared to fall into new relationships because all the old ones have been so disappointing, and forever sad that my body can’t seem to make a baby… and that any hope I had for it was wasted in a marriage I wasn’t even happy in. And yet, I seem to have thrown myself right back into a version of my past life in my present and am reliving past pain all over again.

But why? Is it more a matter of not being able to get past it or that I find comfort within it or still want it so badly that nothing else compares to not having it? I’m not sure, and I’m not exactly sure how to step out of the pain puddle of it, where I sometimes feel like I’m drowning. I move on, and it finds me again. I take steps forward and it pushes me to the ground. I honestly am not sure what the answer is, but when I figure it out, I’ll share it with you so that maybe my pain will not be for nothing… so that maybe I can help others end their suffering and figure it out too.

fall style, winter style, retro style

fashion and diy blogger maegan tintari - lovemaegan

Happy Hump Day Lovecats!

* Find all my Style Posts here
* Find all my DIYs here

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

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